Forbearance is NOT What You Think

Love, joy, peace, FORBEARANCE.  I thought I knew what this word meant.  It turns out I don't.  In my mind, forbearance has always been a synonym for patience, and I knew what patience was and that I didn't have much.  Of the previous three fruits of the spirit, I figured I was at least scoring a passing grade, but forbearance, well, my patience quota has always been around 20%.  Then, it turns out that's not what spiritual forbearance actually IS.  Go figure.  So what is it?

Forbearance is actually about 'holding back'.  It means not lashing out or back with insults and attacks against other people who anger and annoy you.  Forbearance is really what 'turning the other cheek' (a favorite Christian doctrine) is all about. Naturally, when Jesus suggested turning the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount contrasting this action with the Old Testament 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' doctrine, people only thought about it literally.  I can still hear my teenage discussions, "Well, I'm socking anybody who hits me!"  This literal interpretation misses the point altogether.

Forbearance is about practicing tolerance.  In this climate of sensational yellow journalism, forbearance doesn't 'sell'.  Think about the last 'point'/'counterpoint segment you watched on television.  There wasn't a crumb of tolerance to be found.  In point of fact, there were loud, strident, and downright angry voices, overriding and interrupting the other person, usually with insults, a prepared agenda, and a complete lack of listening or participation in anything that could remotely be called a dialogue.

To forbear is to not immediately attack another person.  In simplistic terms, it means to stop thinking of 'others' as enemies.  In our social structures, it's so much easier to think in terms of 'us' and 'them'.  Isn't it ridiculous to base our society on the brain development of 14 year olds?  That's really how teens look at the world:  You must conform to be with 'us', and if you don't, then you are outsiders.  I always used to laugh when people earnestly explained to me that today's teens were SO different (and worse) than when they were teenagers.  Teens today care about the very same things:  Who likes me?  Do I fit in?  Am I passing muster as measured by the clique I want to be in.  A perfect description of teen society.

Now, look at our adult society today.  Are you living in a 'red' or 'blue' state?  Are you Democrat, Republican, Independent, Socialist, Tea Party, Flaming Liberal, Right Wing Nazi?  Notice how our political labels show less and less forbearance.  The tendency to harshly label has extended like malignant tendrils throughout American life.  Right to Lifer or Baby Killer?  Gun Nut or Bleeding Heart Pacifist?   I won't even sully this post with the racial epithets which we are all way, way too familiar with.

Here's the take away point:  Wouldn't we have fewer 'enemies' if we just practiced forbearance.  Instead of leaping straight to insults, couldn't we each take a deep breath, hold back from lashing out, and try to actually hear someone with a differing viewpoint?

I may not have much patience, but I can practice forbearance.