I'm struggling with Christmas this year as is everyone in our family. It's difficult to approach a holiday with the adjective of "Merry" in front of its name when a treasured family member has been lost to us in the not distant enough past, and no one feels very merry. Everyone is still working through grief surrounding his death right now, and our first response is to turn away from happy holidays.
I've been pondering how to celebrate Christmas for weeks now. We've traveled to Austin to gather for an extended family Christmas ever since it became obvious 'Jay' was going to be the SIL. (That's son-in-law for the acrynmyically challenged. Gosh, I don't even think that's a word - you know, where you use initials instead of the words.) Anyway, over the past several years, we've all come to cherish our Christmas time together, and we've developed internal family traditions just like every family. Over time, the four parents drew closer together and became friends enjoying each other's company during not just Christmas but at other joint family times. Now one parent is gone, passed away in late October.
I had change my approach to the holiday. Sadness was overwhelming me, and when I thought about Christmas, my first emotion was dread. My Christmas decorations have remained firmly packed for the past several years. Why go to all that trouble to unpack, and unwrap decorations when the center of the celebration was not going to be at my house? Just too much trouble and effort. I was grateful I could enjoy decorations without the hassle of having to 'do them'. This year, however, I needed my decorations in a way I've never needed them before. I got them out, unpacked them, and set them up around my Arizona home. They have helped me re-center myself and re-think the holiday.
Next, I returned to my daily devotional. For non-Christians, this is called 'meditation' or 'spiritual centering'. It really doesn't matter what you call it, the kernel of importance is to remove one's self from only dealing with the commercial world and recapture a sense of the spiritual. Christmas time is when the conflict between these two sensibilities is most evident. So, what is 'the season'. Well, for Christians it's the birth of Christ. For Jews it's the celebration of Hanukkah, the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, and for African Americans it's Kwanzaa, is a celebration of family and culture. These three holidays always occur in close proximity, and all feature presents which is how the commercial world has horned in.
More important than presents, all three traditions center around family. Families grow and change over the years. Members are lost to us through estangement, death, and distance. Members are gained through reconnection, marriages, and births. On most usual years, Christmas IS a merry time with food, drink and laughter. But sometimes, it's time to be together in rememberance as well as a time to cherish one another. Coming together after a tragedy says, "We're sad, but we're OK. We're still a family. We are going to get through this and come out the other side different, but stronger in our love, support and belief in one another.
So, now as we prepare for our annual Christmas trip, I will bring simple presents to say, I love you. We'll go places, eat together, and talk. Overall though, this Christmas our focus will be coming together for a time of offering love, seeking peace, and finding hope. Those are the real reasons for our season this year.
