Greetings,
I finished the last class of the spiritual formation study tonight. As always, I learned more than I taught. The teaching tonight I received was to concentrate on your blessings rather than your problems. I've been in a blue funk for several days struggling with what has seemed like a never ending list of difficulties. Pain (always), but it has been wearing me down. Worry about the insurance problem (I've been turned down for health insurance.) My Dad (how long is my brother going to be able to cope, and general anxiety about the whole Altzheimer's situation). Hassle about the new roof, new gutters, etc. Applying for disability so I can get insurance - knowing I really am disabled, but not really believing anyone else will believe me. (Catch this: I actually had a doctor say to me this week, and this is a quote: "You won't be declared disabled because you dont' take enough pain medication." LIKE I WOULDN'T LIKE TO JUST GOBBLE IT DOWN 24/7! However, I am convinced all I would get in return is an addiction and no real pain relief. Anyway, you get the drift.
What I really need to be thinking is that I have a great marriage. I have a healthy, happy child who is sailing into adulthood. I live warm and dry every day. I always have enough to eat. I own more possessions that 99% of the world could even dream of having. I'm surrounded by friends who care about me. I live in a great town that has a wonderful quality of life. I am politically free - no one's going to throw me in jail because I think the President is a doofus, and say it outloud to anyone I care to. God is working in my life. What a joy.
Now, look at that second paragraph - what do I have to worry about? Sometimes you just have to convince yourself - and with hard heads like me - it's over and over again. I'm so smart about some things, and so unbelieveably dumb about others.
Count your blessings - may be trite, may be banal, may be simplistic, but it works.
Grace and Peace - have you counted your blessings today?
Friday, June 8, 2007
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Annual Conference Commissioning Ceremony
Well,
To set the stage: I went to the United Methodist Annual Conference Commissioning Ceremony because St. Paul (my church) had two, count 'em, two people being commissioned. We went early, early, early to this shindig because I had been forewarned that seats would go like hotcakes. They filled a baroque sanctuary with 1000 people - all but a handful of whom were in place about 30 minutes before anything started. It did give me time to look over First Methodist - that magnificent edifice that I've driven past for 16 years.
The sanctuary is dominated by the pipe organ with pipes hanging on the walls on either side of the choir loft. The building with its lofted, soaring ceiling reminded me of the Anglican cathederal I was in near Cambridge, England when we went to a concert by the London Philharmonic. Unfortunately that's where the comparison ended............to put it kindly, the music in this ceremony tonight was just terrible. In the opening concert, it was all strum und drang (storm and stress) - referring to emotional upheaval. Lots of crescendo and banging of the keys. I kept thinking during this performance, "yep, that there's a pipe organ". Actually I winced during some of it with it's predictable pounding. So, that was a big disappointment. The hymns were picked according to which ones would be the most boring to sing and listen to. Their only redeeming value were some of Charles Wesley's lyrics - but the tunes represented the worst of 18th century music.
Therefore, the sermon by the Boston Ave United Methodist (Tulsa, OK - my hometown) preacher was a pleasant surprise. I especially loved his closing. Let me see if I can approximate it: Draw a circle and a square on a piece of paper. Inside the square write down the names of people who have shamed you in your life. Inside the circle write down the names of people who have lifted you up. Then ask youself, if you had to look at the papers of people you know - where would your name be on their papers? Of course he dressed it up with a football theme, but that was the gist. He made the point which I think is so true: shame is when you feel bad about yourself, not to be confused with guilt which is when you feel bad about something you did or didn't do.
I guess it was a revelation to me that there are some "assigned" emotions that are worst than guilt - and I hadn't realized shame would be one of them. Shame is really a very old fashioned word - rather out of fashion these days. I can remember hearing as a child the phrase "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" I can't think of the last time I even heard that in any context. Is that a good or bad thing if we think of shame as being a societal socializing emotion? Hmmmm. Have to think about that. Does shame have a place in a society?
OK - back to the commissioning. The cememony itself was very moving - I didn't even embroider during it. Hey, now that's high praise. Actually, I was so happy for Jimmy and Marilyn. Especially Jimmy. I've known him for so long, and I know how hard he has worked for this. He feels called by God - what a magnificent gift. To be called. Marilyn's achievement was awe inspiring. I know it's taken her eight years to get to this ceremony tonight. I've been to doctors with less training. Both Jimmy and Marilyn were radiant. But, I must admit John (Marilyn's husband - who has stood by her during all these eight years) had the best line tonight - "I did really well through this whole ceremony - I didn't even make any animal noises." I love someone who can laugh.
Well, that's it. If I could have snuck in for the last 45 minutes of this deal it would have been better - sermon, commissioning and I'm out of there. Then I would have had to hear only one boring hymn.
To set the stage: I went to the United Methodist Annual Conference Commissioning Ceremony because St. Paul (my church) had two, count 'em, two people being commissioned. We went early, early, early to this shindig because I had been forewarned that seats would go like hotcakes. They filled a baroque sanctuary with 1000 people - all but a handful of whom were in place about 30 minutes before anything started. It did give me time to look over First Methodist - that magnificent edifice that I've driven past for 16 years.
The sanctuary is dominated by the pipe organ with pipes hanging on the walls on either side of the choir loft. The building with its lofted, soaring ceiling reminded me of the Anglican cathederal I was in near Cambridge, England when we went to a concert by the London Philharmonic. Unfortunately that's where the comparison ended............to put it kindly, the music in this ceremony tonight was just terrible. In the opening concert, it was all strum und drang (storm and stress) - referring to emotional upheaval. Lots of crescendo and banging of the keys. I kept thinking during this performance, "yep, that there's a pipe organ". Actually I winced during some of it with it's predictable pounding. So, that was a big disappointment. The hymns were picked according to which ones would be the most boring to sing and listen to. Their only redeeming value were some of Charles Wesley's lyrics - but the tunes represented the worst of 18th century music.
Therefore, the sermon by the Boston Ave United Methodist (Tulsa, OK - my hometown) preacher was a pleasant surprise. I especially loved his closing. Let me see if I can approximate it: Draw a circle and a square on a piece of paper. Inside the square write down the names of people who have shamed you in your life. Inside the circle write down the names of people who have lifted you up. Then ask youself, if you had to look at the papers of people you know - where would your name be on their papers? Of course he dressed it up with a football theme, but that was the gist. He made the point which I think is so true: shame is when you feel bad about yourself, not to be confused with guilt which is when you feel bad about something you did or didn't do.
I guess it was a revelation to me that there are some "assigned" emotions that are worst than guilt - and I hadn't realized shame would be one of them. Shame is really a very old fashioned word - rather out of fashion these days. I can remember hearing as a child the phrase "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" I can't think of the last time I even heard that in any context. Is that a good or bad thing if we think of shame as being a societal socializing emotion? Hmmmm. Have to think about that. Does shame have a place in a society?
OK - back to the commissioning. The cememony itself was very moving - I didn't even embroider during it. Hey, now that's high praise. Actually, I was so happy for Jimmy and Marilyn. Especially Jimmy. I've known him for so long, and I know how hard he has worked for this. He feels called by God - what a magnificent gift. To be called. Marilyn's achievement was awe inspiring. I know it's taken her eight years to get to this ceremony tonight. I've been to doctors with less training. Both Jimmy and Marilyn were radiant. But, I must admit John (Marilyn's husband - who has stood by her during all these eight years) had the best line tonight - "I did really well through this whole ceremony - I didn't even make any animal noises." I love someone who can laugh.
Well, that's it. If I could have snuck in for the last 45 minutes of this deal it would have been better - sermon, commissioning and I'm out of there. Then I would have had to hear only one boring hymn.
Monday, June 4, 2007
My First Blog................. may be my last.....
Grace and Peace.
I've wanted to "blog", but wondered if I really had anything to say. I suppose we are going to find out. Somehow it seems rather mind numbing to use this space for "today I went to the grocery store", so I think I am going to try and be more metacognitive, as well as include musings about life rather than documenting minutiae. Hmm.....now I'm wondering if I spelled that right. Onward.
Currently, I've been pondering spiritual direction. I have been using a spiritual formation study to find my spiritual direction. I just finished teaching formational ways to encounter scripture. That's just a fancy way of saying - "what is God saying to me personally" rather than "when did this happen, who wrote it, where did it happen, and what is the message for Christian life?" It changed the way I read the Bible, changed the way I think about the parables, and certainly changed the way I think about the Psalms. Now I'm eager to understand what I'm supposed to "do" rather than what am I supposed to "think" about a passage. This week my mission is to show patience especially to someone I have a tendency to be impatient with. Love is patient. (1 Corinthians - 13:4) It just occurred to me that I've blown the patience thing today with two people - the gutter salesman (does he count?) and the Cigna help line. I think I'm getting it - I'm called this week to be patient with people I DON'T have a personal relationship with.
I have a close friend who talks about "opportunities". There are so many opportunities in this life to reflect agape. I've learned I need to be polishing up my mirror for better reflection.
Next study I'm leading is called "embracing prayer", and I'm worried that I don't have a good enough prayer life to lead a study about it.
As always, waiting to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Jalyss
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