April 9th was our 43rd wedding anniversary. Drake got me the new iphone 5s, and we went out to dinner at the only great place on this side of town. Days like this one get me thinking about milestones in my life. The first thing that popped into my mind was this: Anniversaries are a traditional milestone like birthdays or holidays. Milestone is one of those words that has completely changed in meaning over the centuries. Originally, it was literally a stone placed by the side of the road to mark the number of miles to reach a specific destination. I assume the stone was marked or chiseled with the number. These stones have morphed into mile markers on the sides of our roads, and we've changed the meaning to milestone.
There's nothing interesting about a stone by the side of the road. The milestones I'm interested in are the ones that mark significant events in a person's life. A wedding anniversary for us is a day for reflection of our life together, and thus after more than 40 years together, we revisit many milestones on this date. The visit is sometimes nostalgic, fond, wry, painful, or with grimace. After 45 years together, Drake and I know some milestones can't be so easily quantified. Sometimes the most negative milestones have positive outcomes which are hidden from view. For example, the pain in my feet has let us have health insurance, so we could retire earlier than anticipated. I think milestones are less interesting than the outcome they trigger. There are milestones whose outcomes lasts for years. One of the best qualities of a successful marriage is having someone to endure with as well as celebrate with as you move through these milestone outcomes.
An example of an outcome determined by a milestone is parenting. The simple milestone is the addition of a baby being added to your life. The result of the milestone, or outcome is parenting. Unanticipated milestones in your life when you're young often sometimes have disastrous outcomes. That knowledge makes parents stiff with worry over rash, impetuous teen decisions. Our early marriage could have easily (and probably should have had) a disastrous outcome. Children gleefully mark anticipated milestones. "It's only ten days until I'm seven!"
Each choice made in a lifetime changes life forever. The trip you don't take. The job you win. The club you don't join. The person you meet by chance. I can avoid the 'if only I had' mentality because of the parallel multiple universe theories in science. Somewhere in some parallel universe I'm sitting in a totally different house, in a different city, with more children, a different husband and a completely different life because I took alternative paths throughout my life. Every choice you make has alternatives. That's why I love the idea of multiple universes. Important choices needs to be reasoned. Us control freaks don't know any other way, but I'm never paralyzed with indecision because I don't believe there's only one right choice. My other self in each of those other universes is just as happy as she wants to be. I think of all those other parallel realities as the ultimate in free will.
Reflection makes life worth living. Milestones are handy hooks to kick start that process. Anniversaries are a way to engage in important thoughts with the most important person in your life. That nice bottle of wine we had with dinner didn't hurt the process any either.
