Neither one of us realized how much energy we've lost by frittering our time away each day just doing what we felt like doing. Now that we have a full time job, it doesn't matter if pain keeps me awake for hours at night, the alarm still goes off at 6:30 am. Prior to the 'project', I would just sleep in. So, it's tiring, but really rewarding. I had the experience of raising an infant while Drake dutifully and truthfully, joyfully, headed off to his office each day. His head was in the 'helper' mode, not the 'caretaker' mode, and that was a big step forward from his Dad's generation who were in the pat the kid's head mode, and say, "Go ask your mother." when any child care issues arose.
This is not to say Drake doesn't have the same energy and relentlessness issues I have, but he's also struggling to get up to speed on infant nurturing. He's doing some limited reading, but mainly, he takes his cues from me because he's never cared for a small child on a daily basis. He thinks he's not good at it, so he keeps rejecting the obvious: Grandson adores him, and panics if Drake suddenly walks out of the room. Drake brings the male dynamic that infants in the past have not had the benefit. I've said all along our son-in-law's extended childcare leave (six months) benefited both him and the child. Grandson expects 'care' equally from both of us thanks to the full time care taking by each of his parents. They were both so very lucky to have extended family leave time.
As usual with any project we've ever undertaken, we've each carved out 'areas' of responsibility, and no, mine aren't all the dirty diapers. We are both completely committed to not just offering physical care, that can be bought and easily learned, but rather tailoring enrichment and activities which bulls eye Grandson's individual development. Additionally, we are trying to keep up with a second household's 'chores', so our kiddos can spend every possible minute with their new child. They both love their work, but they can hardly wait to get home. Each day is a 'race' to see which of the two will get home first since who arrives first gets the baby first.
Right now, the baby is all about absorbing as much language as he can hear. He soaks it up like the proverbial sponge, cuing in on the words, your eyes, your lips, your tone and body language. I can already tell he's 'sensing' the meanings of some words especially when he hears them in the context he expects. He's parroting his version of talking and trying hard to communicate his needs. He's also working on crawling which has been super frustrating for him. This boy is BIG. At eight months he already weighs as much (if not more) than our daughter did at one year. He's built like a concrete block with huge hands and feet. It's so hard for him to coordinate all that mass. No wonder gymnasts tend to be small, compact people. He's getting there, and we are encouraging him to try and try again. Oh, and he's also teething.
Then, we have the family issue. None of us have ever lived so closely to family. Drake and I 'lived away' from our parents, and so did our son-in-law's parents. Our kiddos aren't quite sure how to handle their parents living one mile from their house. Of course, one of our big incentives for doing this was to be able to actually spend some more time with them, but they just want us 'gone' when they get home in the evening. It's not really a problem, but I can see this is going to be one more thing which is a change in a year of changes.
This adventure is going to be a race: Can we physically take care of this huge baby? Drake has to do most of the 'lifting' because neither of us want my back issues to become acute. Will we run out of stamina? Can we sustain not only child care, but laundry, housework, household management issues, and minor repairs? Will we feel a growing sense of isolation in a community dedicated to the raising of young children. It's always strange when on our half year adventures we go from being the 'youngest' in Sun City to being the 'oldest' at the new location. Now we live in a place where we are definitely the oldest by far. Additionally, we live in an area where we are significantly in the minority. Crown Heights (our Brooklyn neighborhood) is half black and half Hasidic Jewish. We live in the black portion of the neighborhood. We take the bus to and from 'work', and I casually noticed one day last week we were the only pale colored people on the bus.
I am fighting back. First, I've learned in NYC while it's not OK to talk to random people, it's OK to talk to people in your neighborhood. I getting to know the bus drivers, and now one smiles at me whenever I get on our bus. I'm also recognizing people who ride the bus with us every day. To combat my own personal loneliness, I've found a church. It is a Methodist church founded in 1846 housed in a Romanesque building completed in 1891. (Romanesque architecture was a big 'thing' in the last 20 years of the 19th century in New York, and nowadays, communities are trying to preserve these examples.) It is unusual in that instead of a gable (triangular) inside, it's domed with large, simple stained glass windows. It's really beautiful, but the pews tend to get a bit uncomfortable after two hours - that's the typical length of the service.
This church is known for its music program, and they have a magnificent organ and a professional drum set which is used with every piece of music. The choir doesn't just sing one carefully prepared anthem, but usually several. The spirit can start moving through the congregation and the anthems can take on lives of their own. Also, the call to worship is very joyful and can last several minutes. The preacher tries to stay within a 15 to 20 minute prepared sermon, but again, that doesn't always happen.
Everyone is very welcoming but still a bit taken aback I'm there and keep coming back. (It's that white/black thing again.) I've been handing out origami animals to the young children surreptitiously during the service and that seems to be a big hit. A new preacher arrives next week, so the church is in emotional upheaval - their current pastor has been there seven years which is an eternity in the Methodist system. Methodists don't believe in the 'cult of personality' like the Baptists do. The Methodist system has Bishops who move preachers around districts like bingo balls. I'm pleased the new preacher is a woman.
Anyway, this church has the added attraction of being on the bus line, and it's only four stops away. The next closest church is 'Spanish', and mine just isn't that good. There's just a really good vibe to this church which has made me want to return each week. Making friends is going to be hard. I'm just going to bide my time until they get used to me. I'm also going to pick up my bona fides in January in Arizona. (Those would be my United Methodist Women mission pin and my Emmaus cross.) This congregation works hard at delivering what the community needs, and I'm sure I can find a way to contribute.
On the smooth side, I'm getting into this delivery lifestyle. I have my breakfast foods delivered to my workplace each Monday, and my house groceries delivered to the apartment each Saturday. It's so much easier to do the big majority of all my shopping online. Competing in the crowds is always going to be an issue here after life in the West. Brooklyn has 2.649 million people in a 67 mile area. Phoenix has 1.6 million people in a 517 mile area. That pretty much says it all. It's easier to get places in Brooklyn and the other boroughs (especially Queens and Manhattan), but harder to get services. We honestly don't really miss having a car, and I think the added walking has improved my overall health.
This is just the first installment of this 'theme' which I will revisit from time to time over the next year. However, now, I have to go get ready for the American Ballet Theater performance of "Swan Lake" starring the best damn ballerina I've seen in 40 years. There are some big compensations to going back to work.
P.S. - No idea what I did to screw up the format, but next post will be better.
P.S. - No idea what I did to screw up the format, but next post will be better.
