I've been reading books again. Actually, I'm always reading at least two at a time and listening to another. Usually, they are like most movies or painting or songs, pretty forgettable. Currently, I'm reading two winners. Ironically, they are both non-fiction which occupies only about 15% of my reading. The first one I'd recommend is by Bill Bryson, an interesting writer who lived in England for many years, and upon returning to the USA has become my favorite observer of American life. His choice of observation this time is the summer of 1927 which turned out to be a pivotal one in American history. I'll just drop two names: Charles Lindbergh and Babe Ruth. This book is very readable (a hallmark of a Bryson book), and chock full of interesting observations based on historical facts.
The other volume is very slim, only 170 pages, and should be a 'must read' for Generation X, Y & soon to be Z. Truthfully, it should be a must read for EVERYONE. It's called Modern Manners, Tools to Take You to the Top. The authors are Dorothea Johnson, founder of the Protocol School of Washington, and etiquette guru of The Ellen DeGeneres Show and Liv Tyler, actress, whose main claim to fame is her role as Arwen, the Elf Princess and as the granddaughter of Ms. Johnson. The emphasis of this book is the first word of the title: Modern. I have fairly good manners - about a "B" on the traditional scale, and I picked up this book out of curiosity. It is lively, and something I didn't really KNOW has caught my interest in every chapter. Here's what I'm talking about.
Do you stand up when you meet someone? Apparently, everyone should. Women are no longer allowed to remain seated - new equality has changed this and many other manners women should practice. Everyone knows that you should make eye contact when you talk to someone - duh - but, how about this: Direct eye contact should occur between 40 and 60 percent of the time you are with a person - less than 40% and you appear disinterested and rude; more than 60% and you appear intimidating or doubtful. ( I guess the other person gets to pick which you are!)
I also discovered there's a protocol for 'introductions' especially in a business setting. The secret: "May I introduce to you... Apparently, the key are the words 'to you' after the word 'introduce' reminding you to introduce the junior to the senior, the woman to the man, the younger to the elder. They suggest practicing the 'form' until it becomes second nature. No kidding! "Good morning Mr. Big Cheese. May I introduce to you Mr. Little Guy, one of your minions." (You should always give the boss 'context' since he/she spends very little time learning who's who.)
I loved the chapter on hand shaking. Like English, apparently, the 'American handshake' is the international standard with a few differences depending on the culture. For instance, in Switzerland you shake hands upon arriving and upon leaving. (Did you get that SL?) I loved the description of the limp fingered fish handshake favored by idiot women - this book calls it "the fingerella", and it's as big of a no-no as the finger crushing handshake. The correctly mannered handshake is 'web to web' with two pumps.
Throughout the book they cite compelling reasons for using these modern manners. Did you know that according to research conducted by Harvard, Carnegie and Stanford getting 'ahead' depends 15% on technical ability and knowledge and 85% on people skills. I do so love a book that understands Americans are moved by money. Want to get your dream job? Learn when and how to write thank you notes in the business place. (Yes, I said thank you notes.) Did you know you're supposed to IMMEDIATELY write a thank you note to the person who interviews you for a job as well as anyone who helped you get the interview? This book even talks about different styles of clothing and offers pictures of each type from office attire to black tie. I suppose the ability to 'look correct' in a business/social situation is part of modern manners. I wonder where tattoos fit in? They even show place settings and discuss table manners.
There's a whole chapter on cell phones. The manners involving these little devices are, from my personal observation, the least practiced. You're not supposed to take or return phone calls, texts, tweets, etc. when you are face to face with someone! Imagine that. One of my friends just flat terminated a job interview when the interviewee actually 'checked' his phone for an incoming whatever during the job interview. Hilarious.
I must admit I'm a huge phone user when it's just Drake and I sitting together in a restaurant. After reading this book, I think I might have to change my ways. The book suggested a clever way to 'break' a group of friends from obsessive cell phone behavior when they are supposed to be socializing with one another. It's called phone stacking. At the restaurant, everyone stacks their phones in the center of the table, first one to reach for their buzzing phone, to check on a call or text pays the entire tab for the whole party.
I've discovered there are ways to enter and leave an elevator, open a door, and sit down in a chair at a table. I've got about 30 pages left to read, and if it's as illuminating as the first 140 pages, I'll learn some more polish. We all agree I can certainly use some buffing up. If you want to improve your personal sheen, pick up this little book which, so helpfully, has an index.
