What is kindness? This seems to me to be one of the fuzziest of the fruits of the spirit. Here they are again for those of who can't seem to keep these characteristics in the forefront of our minds. (OK, this list is really for ME - I can't seem to keep them all activated at once.) LOVE, JOY, PEACE, FORBEARANCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS AND SELF-CONTROL.
To be kind is to have a friendly, generous and considerate nature. However, kindness is the ACT of friendliness, generosity, and showing consideration for others. I'm beginning to get the drift here..... These fruits of the spirit are not passive. Can you believe one is expected to actually throw one's self into action? Using the fruits of the spirit in daily life can make daily interactions more, well, fruitful.
According to the Urban Dictionary 'kindness' is no longer in much evidence. What a sad commentary on the isolation of American urban life. However, it's not dead, just dormant since we're all having a bit of trouble deciding who are our neighbors. I know I have lots of opportunities here in the land of the uber elderly to practice kindness. For example, I'm routinely on the look-out at the grocery store for old ladies who I see eyeing something on a high or low shelve and calculating if they can reach it without falling.
You don't even have to be a 'believer' to put this fruit in action. While I'm writing this Drake is demonstrating kindness in action: We had company over last night and while I was waving my hands and arms about while I talked - yes, you've all seen that - I knocked over a glass and it shattered. One of the friends who was the 'company' picked up as many pieces as he could find as an act of kindness, and this morning Drake is the one who got out the vacuum cleaner, set it up, and then vacuumed the entire area for stray glass shards.
I think the takeaway here is kindness is an action. See if you can activate your kindness today. God knows this is one fruit when offered repeatedly will only enrich you and the recepient.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Forbearance is NOT What You Think
Love, joy, peace, FORBEARANCE. I thought I knew what this word meant. It turns out I don't. In my mind, forbearance has always been a synonym for patience, and I knew what patience was and that I didn't have much. Of the previous three fruits of the spirit, I figured I was at least scoring a passing grade, but forbearance, well, my patience quota has always been around 20%. Then, it turns out that's not what spiritual forbearance actually IS. Go figure. So what is it?
Forbearance is actually about 'holding back'. It means not lashing out or back with insults and attacks against other people who anger and annoy you. Forbearance is really what 'turning the other cheek' (a favorite Christian doctrine) is all about. Naturally, when Jesus suggested turning the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount contrasting this action with the Old Testament 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' doctrine, people only thought about it literally. I can still hear my teenage discussions, "Well, I'm socking anybody who hits me!" This literal interpretation misses the point altogether.
Forbearance is about practicing tolerance. In this climate of sensational yellow journalism, forbearance doesn't 'sell'. Think about the last 'point'/'counterpoint segment you watched on television. There wasn't a crumb of tolerance to be found. In point of fact, there were loud, strident, and downright angry voices, overriding and interrupting the other person, usually with insults, a prepared agenda, and a complete lack of listening or participation in anything that could remotely be called a dialogue.
To forbear is to not immediately attack another person. In simplistic terms, it means to stop thinking of 'others' as enemies. In our social structures, it's so much easier to think in terms of 'us' and 'them'. Isn't it ridiculous to base our society on the brain development of 14 year olds? That's really how teens look at the world: You must conform to be with 'us', and if you don't, then you are outsiders. I always used to laugh when people earnestly explained to me that today's teens were SO different (and worse) than when they were teenagers. Teens today care about the very same things: Who likes me? Do I fit in? Am I passing muster as measured by the clique I want to be in. A perfect description of teen society.
Now, look at our adult society today. Are you living in a 'red' or 'blue' state? Are you Democrat, Republican, Independent, Socialist, Tea Party, Flaming Liberal, Right Wing Nazi? Notice how our political labels show less and less forbearance. The tendency to harshly label has extended like malignant tendrils throughout American life. Right to Lifer or Baby Killer? Gun Nut or Bleeding Heart Pacifist? I won't even sully this post with the racial epithets which we are all way, way too familiar with.
Here's the take away point: Wouldn't we have fewer 'enemies' if we just practiced forbearance. Instead of leaping straight to insults, couldn't we each take a deep breath, hold back from lashing out, and try to actually hear someone with a differing viewpoint?
I may not have much patience, but I can practice forbearance.
Forbearance is actually about 'holding back'. It means not lashing out or back with insults and attacks against other people who anger and annoy you. Forbearance is really what 'turning the other cheek' (a favorite Christian doctrine) is all about. Naturally, when Jesus suggested turning the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount contrasting this action with the Old Testament 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' doctrine, people only thought about it literally. I can still hear my teenage discussions, "Well, I'm socking anybody who hits me!" This literal interpretation misses the point altogether.
Forbearance is about practicing tolerance. In this climate of sensational yellow journalism, forbearance doesn't 'sell'. Think about the last 'point'/'counterpoint segment you watched on television. There wasn't a crumb of tolerance to be found. In point of fact, there were loud, strident, and downright angry voices, overriding and interrupting the other person, usually with insults, a prepared agenda, and a complete lack of listening or participation in anything that could remotely be called a dialogue.
To forbear is to not immediately attack another person. In simplistic terms, it means to stop thinking of 'others' as enemies. In our social structures, it's so much easier to think in terms of 'us' and 'them'. Isn't it ridiculous to base our society on the brain development of 14 year olds? That's really how teens look at the world: You must conform to be with 'us', and if you don't, then you are outsiders. I always used to laugh when people earnestly explained to me that today's teens were SO different (and worse) than when they were teenagers. Teens today care about the very same things: Who likes me? Do I fit in? Am I passing muster as measured by the clique I want to be in. A perfect description of teen society.
Now, look at our adult society today. Are you living in a 'red' or 'blue' state? Are you Democrat, Republican, Independent, Socialist, Tea Party, Flaming Liberal, Right Wing Nazi? Notice how our political labels show less and less forbearance. The tendency to harshly label has extended like malignant tendrils throughout American life. Right to Lifer or Baby Killer? Gun Nut or Bleeding Heart Pacifist? I won't even sully this post with the racial epithets which we are all way, way too familiar with.
Here's the take away point: Wouldn't we have fewer 'enemies' if we just practiced forbearance. Instead of leaping straight to insults, couldn't we each take a deep breath, hold back from lashing out, and try to actually hear someone with a differing viewpoint?
I may not have much patience, but I can practice forbearance.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Peace
As I've been thinking about peace for the past 24 hours, my inner teacher just took over. I realized most people know what peace IS, and that they would like to have it. Then I began to wonder what other people have said about peace throughout the ages. What I found was pretty interesting. So, here's a matching game for those inclined to play. Match the saying with the sayer, I took pity on everyone, and the answers are at the bottom.
1) Peace can not be kept by
force; A. Indira Gandhi
it can only be achieved by
understanding.
2) Peace
comes from within; do not seek B. Ben Franklin
it without.
3) Peace begins with a smile. C. St. Paul
4) There never was a good war
or a D. Dalai Lami XIV
bad peace.
5) I can only have peace of
mind when E. Gerald Jampolsky
I forgive rather than judge.
6) You can not shake hands
with a F. John Lennon
clenched fist.
7) For every minute you
remain angry G. Buddha
you give up 60 seconds peace
of mind.
8) Imagine all the people
living life in H. Albert Einstein
peace.
9) We can never make peace in
the outer I. Mother Theresa
world until we make peace
within ourselves.
10) Grace and peace to you J. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Now, if you really want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT ACHIEVING PEACE whether it's the interior peace of mind or the exterior expression of peace pick one of the above quotations and practice it today. Personally, I'm going to aim for #7 today.
(10-C, 9-D, 8-F, 7-J, 6-A, 5-E, 4-B, 3-I, 2-G, 1-H)
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Joy
When Drake was driving me to the breast biopsy, I was internally singing, "I've got that joy, joy, joy down in my heart." Outwardly, part of me was thinking, "Well, isn't that stupid. I feel foolish", but a bigger part was still singing the song. I think my rationale was, "If you can't find your joy, well, you need to look around for it."
My normal demeanor is joyful. I laugh a lot. I usually smile almost all the time. I really project joy. When I was teaching, kids would comment, "Gee, Ms. Smith, you're always happy, but do you have to sing those Christmas Carols? It's embarrassing." I would just laugh and continue my exuberant off key singing knowing deep in my heart my crazy joyfulness might be the only Christmas spirit many of those kids would experience. My observation is 'Christmas' and 'Joy' tend to go hand in hand.
Being joyful is contagious, and misplacing it causes other people in my life distress. When I'm in a trough (like now), it makes my husband a little crazy. Today, Drake yelled at me to just 'stop'. Oh, how I wish I could just find the joy I've lost.
To find lost joy, I recommend hearing from friends as a joy starter. And, yes, I'm hearing from lots of friends who I'm discovering are sharing with me their own very personal experiences as a way of saying, this is not fun, but sometimes you just have to endure and you will come out the other side. I had to learn this lesson about 10 years ago, and obviously, I need a refresher course.
Friends are offering lots of 'how to feel better' advice: All their advice is valid, and I'm touched so many care. My absolute favorite advice is 'change your perspective, and let the Lord move you. She suggested standing on top of a table and reading a favorite Psalm out loud very loudly. I loved that. A couple of people were even brave enough to take on my 'control' issue and call me out on it. Now, those are true friends. Just thinking about all the people who have reached out to help me is making me smile. Now, if I can just hang onto this feeling. I think it's that joy in my heart trying to well up in spite of my best efforts to dry it up.
My normal demeanor is joyful. I laugh a lot. I usually smile almost all the time. I really project joy. When I was teaching, kids would comment, "Gee, Ms. Smith, you're always happy, but do you have to sing those Christmas Carols? It's embarrassing." I would just laugh and continue my exuberant off key singing knowing deep in my heart my crazy joyfulness might be the only Christmas spirit many of those kids would experience. My observation is 'Christmas' and 'Joy' tend to go hand in hand.
Being joyful is contagious, and misplacing it causes other people in my life distress. When I'm in a trough (like now), it makes my husband a little crazy. Today, Drake yelled at me to just 'stop'. Oh, how I wish I could just find the joy I've lost.
To find lost joy, I recommend hearing from friends as a joy starter. And, yes, I'm hearing from lots of friends who I'm discovering are sharing with me their own very personal experiences as a way of saying, this is not fun, but sometimes you just have to endure and you will come out the other side. I had to learn this lesson about 10 years ago, and obviously, I need a refresher course.
Friends are offering lots of 'how to feel better' advice: All their advice is valid, and I'm touched so many care. My absolute favorite advice is 'change your perspective, and let the Lord move you. She suggested standing on top of a table and reading a favorite Psalm out loud very loudly. I loved that. A couple of people were even brave enough to take on my 'control' issue and call me out on it. Now, those are true friends. Just thinking about all the people who have reached out to help me is making me smile. Now, if I can just hang onto this feeling. I think it's that joy in my heart trying to well up in spite of my best efforts to dry it up.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Struggling
I always know when I'm struggling mentally because my inner turmoil pops out in physical ailments. For example, when I was fearing breast cancer a few weeks ago, I had raging diarrhea for days. (I know, TMI as Drake would say.) Now, I'm having breast surgery to remove the doodad that caused all the upset. (Biopsy said: not malignant, BUT, because all the doodad wasn't sampled, there's a 5% chance of a malignancy, so out it comes.) I don't want to have breast surgery. The rank political divide raging in all the news isn't helping my turmoil either. Now, the gastric upset has calmed, but I have developed a rash on my face and neck. It just popped out unannounced, unwanted and unaccountable.
I've been unsuccessfully reminding myself that it's Lent, a season of sacrifice. Some people give up sugar for the 40 days - now that's a tough one. Others give up meat. Some people actually fast one day a week. Some turn it around and make a positive sacrifice of time. One year, one person I know sent a letter or card to a shut in person every single day of Lent. (No, that wasn't me.) Several years ago, I gave up profanity for Lent, and it certainly helped me evaluate my language more. Still profane, just not as much. So, this year I've been noodling around with the idea of trying to embody the fruits of the spirit. This comes from Galatians 5:22-23. In the New International Version of the Bible, it reads like this:
"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."
Since I'm breaking out in hives over my inner turmoil, I'm failing to embody even ONE of these characteristics. I hate to fail. To try and get back on track, I'm going to use my blog to think about each quality. Today, I'm thinking about love.
OK - everybody knows what love is. It's either romantic love, physical love, or spiritual love. I think all types of love are wonderful human emotions, and it's pretty easy to embody and understand romantic and physical love. However, the real tough one to project and even understand is spiritual love.
Spiritual love is a projection of yourself (as prompted by the Holy Spirit) in acceptance of other people. Believe me when I tell you it's very hard to do this. Do you have to agree with and placate the idiots of the world? No. That would be hypocrisy. However, if you spend time angry with the idiots around you, or allowing slights and insults to send you into drafting enemies lists, plotting revenge, and withering comebacks, then you've lost your way. Right now, I'm making those lists, and dreaming of ways to ruin those on it and sure enough, I feel terrible.
Spiritual love is about finding whatever you can in another person which calls out good feelings from you toward them. It's one of the basic tenets of Christianity: Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
When I lose my way, it's usually because I'm spending way, way too much time in the anger frequency of my emotional range, and projecting that anger onto other people. As Drake commented the other day, "You woke up angry." And, he was right. Anger is not one of the fruits of the spirit. Anger and spiritual love are the antithesis of each other. I've lost my way. Being angry a lot even on a subconscious level is physically hurting me. I'm struggling and feel like I'm drowning in a sea of unhappiness.
So what am I so angry about? Let's see: Mostly, I'm tired of hurting. I've hurt every day since September 30th. Everyone else has moved on. I'm still fighting with the repercussions of the stupid car wreck. I'm spending my time doing extra exercise to the tune of two extra hours a day trying to get the pain under control. When I add in my food responsibilities (figuring out what to eat, buying it, and preparing it) each day, there's very little time left over for me. I'm at the point where I resent anybody and everybody. Now, it's breast surgery which I'm convinced is another parting gift from the car wreck, and I'm so angry about the amount of time and effort this is going to take.
Being angry isn't exactly working for me. I think I'm finally at a point where I can actually 'hear' other people who would like to help me. If you have any ideas about how to get me out of my anger mode and move me toward the spiritual love frequency, I'm all ears. I'd really like for this to be a successful Lenten Season.
I've been unsuccessfully reminding myself that it's Lent, a season of sacrifice. Some people give up sugar for the 40 days - now that's a tough one. Others give up meat. Some people actually fast one day a week. Some turn it around and make a positive sacrifice of time. One year, one person I know sent a letter or card to a shut in person every single day of Lent. (No, that wasn't me.) Several years ago, I gave up profanity for Lent, and it certainly helped me evaluate my language more. Still profane, just not as much. So, this year I've been noodling around with the idea of trying to embody the fruits of the spirit. This comes from Galatians 5:22-23. In the New International Version of the Bible, it reads like this:
"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."
Since I'm breaking out in hives over my inner turmoil, I'm failing to embody even ONE of these characteristics. I hate to fail. To try and get back on track, I'm going to use my blog to think about each quality. Today, I'm thinking about love.
OK - everybody knows what love is. It's either romantic love, physical love, or spiritual love. I think all types of love are wonderful human emotions, and it's pretty easy to embody and understand romantic and physical love. However, the real tough one to project and even understand is spiritual love.
Spiritual love is a projection of yourself (as prompted by the Holy Spirit) in acceptance of other people. Believe me when I tell you it's very hard to do this. Do you have to agree with and placate the idiots of the world? No. That would be hypocrisy. However, if you spend time angry with the idiots around you, or allowing slights and insults to send you into drafting enemies lists, plotting revenge, and withering comebacks, then you've lost your way. Right now, I'm making those lists, and dreaming of ways to ruin those on it and sure enough, I feel terrible.
Spiritual love is about finding whatever you can in another person which calls out good feelings from you toward them. It's one of the basic tenets of Christianity: Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
When I lose my way, it's usually because I'm spending way, way too much time in the anger frequency of my emotional range, and projecting that anger onto other people. As Drake commented the other day, "You woke up angry." And, he was right. Anger is not one of the fruits of the spirit. Anger and spiritual love are the antithesis of each other. I've lost my way. Being angry a lot even on a subconscious level is physically hurting me. I'm struggling and feel like I'm drowning in a sea of unhappiness.
So what am I so angry about? Let's see: Mostly, I'm tired of hurting. I've hurt every day since September 30th. Everyone else has moved on. I'm still fighting with the repercussions of the stupid car wreck. I'm spending my time doing extra exercise to the tune of two extra hours a day trying to get the pain under control. When I add in my food responsibilities (figuring out what to eat, buying it, and preparing it) each day, there's very little time left over for me. I'm at the point where I resent anybody and everybody. Now, it's breast surgery which I'm convinced is another parting gift from the car wreck, and I'm so angry about the amount of time and effort this is going to take.
Being angry isn't exactly working for me. I think I'm finally at a point where I can actually 'hear' other people who would like to help me. If you have any ideas about how to get me out of my anger mode and move me toward the spiritual love frequency, I'm all ears. I'd really like for this to be a successful Lenten Season.
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