Joy

When Drake was driving me to the breast biopsy, I was internally singing, "I've got that joy, joy, joy down in my heart."  Outwardly, part of me was thinking, "Well, isn't that stupid.  I feel foolish", but a bigger part was still singing the song.  I think my rationale was, "If you can't find your joy, well, you need to look around for it."

My normal demeanor is joyful.  I laugh a lot.  I usually smile almost all the time.  I really project joy.   When I was teaching, kids would comment, "Gee, Ms. Smith, you're always happy, but do you have to sing those Christmas Carols?  It's embarrassing."  I would just laugh and continue my exuberant off key singing knowing deep in my heart my crazy joyfulness might be the only Christmas spirit many of those kids would experience.  My observation is 'Christmas' and 'Joy' tend to go hand in hand.

Being joyful is contagious, and misplacing it causes other people in my life distress.  When I'm in a trough (like now), it makes my husband a little crazy.  Today, Drake yelled at me to just 'stop'.  Oh, how I wish I could just find the joy I've lost.

To find lost joy, I recommend hearing from friends as a joy starter.  And, yes, I'm hearing from lots of friends who I'm discovering are sharing with me their own very personal experiences as a way of saying, this is not fun, but sometimes you just have to endure and you will come out the other side.  I had to learn this lesson about 10 years ago, and obviously, I need a refresher course.

Friends are offering lots of 'how to feel better' advice:  All their advice is valid, and I'm touched so many care.  My absolute favorite advice is 'change your perspective, and let the Lord move you.  She suggested standing on top of a table and reading a favorite Psalm out loud very loudly.  I loved that.  A couple of people were even brave enough to take on my 'control' issue and call me out on it.  Now, those are true friends.  Just thinking about all the people who have reached out to help me is making me smile.  Now, if I can just hang onto this feeling.  I think it's that joy in my heart trying to well up in spite of my best efforts to dry it up.