I've Found the Perfect Gift

Ten Symptoms that your Christmas Shopping has turned into a Nightmare

1) You're still agonizing over what to get Aunt Matilda for Christmas.



2) You know the person who literally has EVERYTHING, and you're supposed to buy them a gift. Get Real is all you can think.



3) You have to buy a gift for a person who is IMPOSSIBLE to buy for. (When you ask what they would like to have they answer a) I don't care. b) I don't know, or c) You choose)



4) Have you found yourself realizing that you've waited too long to shop on-line because you can't get it shipped to you in time to give it for Christmas. (Of course, you could pay the give them your right arm shipping charges for overnight.......but that's not REALLY in the budget.)



5) Are you gift wrap challenged?



6) Have you experienced standing the middle of the mall realizing that you have a list of names but not a clue beyond the names.



7) What do you give those people you work with who stay up all night long making homemade cookies, fudge, divinity, jelly and chex mix - then wrap it all up in cute little packages and leave one on everybody's desk.



8) Have you poured over catalogs of food offerings wondering exactly how much 3 ounces actually is.



9) Do you have to buy a gift for a spoiled indulged teenager?



10) Slumped in your car in your driveway, you accept that you just can't face the traffic to get one more gift.



If you answer "YES" to at least 50% of these questions, then I have a solution for you. Click on the following website and all your gift giving problems will be solved:



http://help.feedingamerica.org/site/PageNavigator/catalog_homepage?__utma=1.429239451.1287765763.1287765763.1292643172.2&__utmb=1.18.9.1292643405530&__utmc=1&__utmx=-&__utmz=1.1287765763.1.1.utmcsr=(direct)utmccn=(direct)utmcmd=(none)&__utmv=-&__utmk=144985012

It's Official: I'm a Geezer.

Well, I found the second most boring drive so far: The Mojave Desert. Yep. It was brown and more brown. Only 500 miles of corn edges it out in the snoozeville department. The only redeeming feature of the Mojave was the Joshua Tree Scenic Parkway, and it only lasted 30 miles out of 300. At the end of the Mojave, we stopped in Laughlin, Nevada to rest for a couple of days after two consecutive 300+ mile driving days. Apparently, December stands for dead in Laughlin, so the hotels give amazing deals - Golden Nugget - $35 a night, and that was the 'upgrade'! We had a great time, rested up, and pulled into Peoria one week ago.

It's been an exciting whirlwind since then. Today I'm sitting in an 1800 square foot house that has an Arizona Room (that's what they call back porches here). Ours is enclosed and has heat and ac. This house is amazing. It was an original Sun City house that has been completely redone. The kitchen is brand new with granite and stainless steel appliances. There's a sit down vanity in the bedroom. The mirror is lit with 12 of those little round lights. When I get cold, I just flip on the switch and stand in front of it in my sunglasses. We have a walk in shower. There are also three complete and working sliding glass doors in this house! They all go out into the enclosed Arizona Room. I still haven't figured out what we are going to do with that room. I'm open to ideas. It's about 25' by 15'. And no, I'm not going to put in a bowling alley. Oh, and did I mention that the two car garage has a baby garage? Yes, we have a golf cart garage. The utility room is giant, with a new washer and dryer that have gillions of speeds, water temps and settings. But, I've saved the best for last: We have an orange tree with edible oranges. Today I found a vintage electric juicer that is actually made out of rolled steel with a ceramic top, so Drake can squeeze fresh orange juice for his breakfast. We have a ROCK yard - well, actually it's 'chat'. I think you have to be from Oklahoma to know what chat is - that means little rocks. Oh, and there's two blooming bougainvillea bushes in the yard.

I bought a table and chairs today. It has two leaves and weighs a ton - I'm talking sturdy here - it's made out of maple. It's very 1963. Drake got the entire 42" table, the two extra leaves, and 4 chairs into the CAR. Is he talented, or what? We've also gotten all the utilities on line, had the cable/internet installed, bought a day bed, trundle and mattresses for the company we're expecting while we're here. I've sent out my Christmas cards, and did all my Christmas shopping online as we drove from Washington. Merilyn, my mother-in-law, says she's getting her exercise because I sent everything to her house. Every day the postman rings her bell. What I'm really looking forward to is the big family Christmas which will include Sarah who we haven't seen since July. We are too, too excited to be here, to be celebrating Christmas with our family, and to be in this great house.

We officially live in Geezerville which makes us Geezers. I went to the grocery store yesterday and did battle with the little old ladies tottering down the center of each aisle clinging to the handles of their shopping baskets. The EMPTY cart is really more than they can manage much less a cart with actual groceries in it. A couple of times, I just turned around and came up the aisle from the other side - it was actually easier on everybody. I was on the mega shopping trip replacing all my cold staples. The cart was piled high and once I got it going, it was hard to maneuver, much less stop. The tiny, tottering ladies were in actual danger.

Drake is definitely going to need some lemon yellow pants with a matching plaid shirt so that he can fit in at the golf course. I think I'm going to go for a blue hair rinse myself. On the plus side - it's flat, flat, flat here. Bike riding is going to be great for me - and there are smooth sidewalks everywhere not to mention the great golf cart roads. On the minus side, this is the home of the chain restaurant. If it's been homogenized and standardized, and it's food - it's here.

It's going to be a challenge to find some new and interesting things to do here because we've been coming to this area since 1970. We are going to Spring Training in March and we have season tickets for the Texas Rangers' spring season. We are also going to be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary in April. We are settled here until May 1st. Here's the new address: 9920 Kelso Drive, Sun City, AZ 85351. The weather is dry, dry, dry - but it's sunny and warm - record highs actually. Coming from drizzly and cloudy Washington, it's been a bit of a climate shock - but a pleasant one. (They're predicting rain here tomorrow - but I'll believe it when I feel the drops.)

To close this blog, let me wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year. It's going to be a great 2011. I love writing these silly things, so you can expect more in 2011. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.