The mood of the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter grew black as he realized he was being outwitted by the enemy. As the result of intensive research, the IPF chose his initial battle strategy: Aluminum Foil. The battleground looks like a festive glittering Christmas display glinting in the ever present Arizona sunlight. No pigeon ever landed on the shining, twinkling aluminum foil wrapped awning struts or porch light. Cautious optimism reigned at IPF headquarters...........until dark fell.
ZOUNDS! Shiny, glittery became comfortably visible in the dark. Before you could say, "Coo, coo", not just one but the original nesting pair of pigeons were happily shitting all over the front door and step from dark to dawn. The IPF has seethed with frustration and the bitter realization that he had partially lost the first skirmish to the enemy.
New plans were called for.
Research recommenced. The IPF considered his options. Poison corn? Pellet gun? No.......dead bird disposal would be problematic in the land of abundant sunshine and once a week garbage pick up. Decoy eggs? Pigeon feed laced with contraceptives? No..........too much specialized knowledge together with those methodologies not correcting today's problem. Rocks or other projectiles? No........window breakage could be an unwanted result. Finally, the IPF, clever fellow that he is, thoughtfully devised a fiendish nocturnal attack plan.
Back to weapons headquarters to obtain the perfect weapon around which the new plan of attack revolved: The common garden water hose fitted with the latest technology: a multiple head water sprayer. The plan of attack commenced at sunset. Stealthily slipping out the garage, the IPF silently uncoiled a short length of garden hose, slowly turned on the water and ATTACKED the pair of roosting pigeons by directing a concentrated stream of water square at the breasts of the dozing, unsuspecting enemy pair. Total surprise achieved! SQUAWK! The pair of invaders flew away.
The next evening, the IPF initiated the same procedure with the same satisfying result. However, upon returning from a late dinner, the marauding pair were once more comfortably ensconced in their roost above the front doorstep. Enraged at their audacity, the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter charged to the water hose and once more dispatched the pair. "That should do it!", he exclaimed.
The next morning arrived with a dispatch from the off premises research staff. The news? French research has shown that the enemy (pigeons) are in the upper eschelon of intelligence in the bird world, and can actually recognize and HOLD GRUDGES against people who are mean to them. The fearless Intrepid Pigeon Fighter is unafraid. In fact, his attitude can be expressed as that of a debonair, devil may care professional pigeon warrior: "Hah! They should be afraid, very afraid of ME! Their grudges mean nothing and will not deter me in the slightest in this all out war." Grimly, the IPF settled in to await the dusk.
Sure enough, research was validated. The IPF nonchalantly strolled out of the garage at sunset and just TOUCHED the water hose. The enemy flew away before he could even turn on the water. Reconnoiters over the next three hours showed neither hide nor feather of the enemy roosting above the front doorstep.
The IPF is cautiously optimistic.............
