1) Please learn to modulate your chirpy, cheery voice if you are a woman, or your booming "bonhomie" delivery if you are a man. Those noises are like fingernails on a chalkboard
.
2) Do not whistle. I do not want to hear your interpretation of either elevator music or the music you hear in your head.
3) I'm not interested in receiving your offers of any type of food that (a) crunches, is (b) squishy, or (c) runny. The only acceptable nourishment offer contains caffeine.
4) Do not ask me questions. Period. End of sentence.
5) Do not give me 'reports'. I do not want to know what the temperature is going to be. I could care less what's going to fall out of the sky during the day - especially in the next two hours.
6) I am not capable of formulating a 'plan for the day' until I've been out of bed for a minimum of two hours.
7) Do not suggest to me that it's a "GOOD MORNING!!!!" In my opinion that is an impossibility.
8) Only call me on the telephone before 10 am if someone is dead. Rewind: Call if someone is dead I care about. That does not include your pet. Bad news can wait for a civilized hour.
9) Newsflash! Not enjoying sunrise is not a character flaw.
10) Keep in mind I can always call you to 'chat' at 11pm. Easily and guilt free.
You've been warned......
An Anonymous Night Person
