The biggest sea change in his life is his emotions are starting to come on-line. And, of course, he has no clue how to handle them at all. Currently, he's just riding them out. For example, we have this silly book about a worm driving an apple car on the highway. C is into vehicles of all types, so he thinks this book is the bees knees. We've read it, oh, about fifty times. This week something different happened. At the end of the book, the apple farmer, Mr. Frumble, accidentally dumps his entire truck load of apples onto the highway. I said to Cedric (for the first time), that Mr. Frumble was mad and sad because all his apples spilled. Cedric started crying. His little face just puckered up and actual tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. It sort of took me by surprise. We've read this book so many times he recognizes all the characters, but I didn't realize he was starting to empathize with them. This little incident was a great wake up call. I'm going to have to be alert for this sort of thing just suddenly popping up.
After almost six months of 'going back to work' as Drake calls it, I'm finding myself in better shape than I've been in for years. I can pretty easily walk in excess of two miles a day. My feet still hurt, but my back is OK with that kind of stress. The arthritis in both my shoulders has improved but worsened in my hands. I still dislike getting up at the crack of dawn - literally, and I don't like living in the Eastern time zone. The sports are all screwed up. For instance, 'night time' sporting events don't even start until about 8:30pm. When you go to bed around 9:00pm, well, it doesn't leave much time to enjoy a game. Since that's pretty much all the TV we watch, I spend a lot of time reading.
At one year shy of 70, I'm finding my energy levels stay pretty tapped out. C is just as smart (maybe smarter) than his mother, and she's no slouch in the brains department. He likes constant challenge, new things, with lots of stimulation and repetition. Plus, he does better on a pretty rigid daily schedule because without it, he has sleep difficulties. And now, he 'talks' to us constantly and expects answers! He's just dying to talk and be understood. There's high frustration including saying whatever he's trying to communicate louder and louder when we don't 'get it'.
He understands all the routine things we talk about, as well as some we didn't realize he knew. (Example: Last week, Drake casually mentioned at breakfast that perhaps it would be a good day to go to the playground. Cedric, sitting between us in his highchair IMMEDIATELY began saying 'SW', 'SW' [his word for 'swing'] and in case we didn't get it, he started making the swinging motion with his body.) We didn't know he knew the word 'playground'. Obviously, another word to add to the 'spell it' list since delayed gratification is definitely not in the wheelhouse, and it's never too cold to 'swing'.
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| Nose frozen? No problem, push it again |
Most child rearing 'things' are pretty much the same. There is better engineered equipment and tons of it. You can overkill on baby equipment. And, once the electronic component is added, well, what can be bought is pretty intimidating. C's parents have done a good job at not getting carried away with 'stuff'. First, there's no place for a lot of it in a NYC apartment, and second no real need for most of it. So, we work with the basics: high chair, stroller, crib, baby carrier, & changing table. Playpens are definitely gone as a staple other than something to sleep in at Granny's house.
What's really interesting is how the toys are pretty much the same as thirty years ago: blocks, wooden puzzles, stacking sets, shape sorters, books, little cars, dolls, and stuffed animals. There's still a woeful lack of toys for the one to two year old age group. And, I'm having the same problem I did when raising Sarah: Big ideas but not the physical coordination to execute the ideas. He's ready for some toys labeled for two to three year olds, but he can't manipulate them, and sometimes, he can't resist putting them in his mouth. (Boy, will I be glad when that impulse passes!) A new axiom has entered our language: "Try again".
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| He's spent days learning how to manipulate the sink stopper into a tiny hole |
One thing is different - awareness of how pervasive gender stereotyping is part of our culture and trying not to always fall prey to it. Think of it this way: Blue for boys, but NEVER pink. Dolls for girls, but NEVER for boys. So many toys are gender differentiated. Cedric already shows zero interest in stuffed animals or dolls. He likes wheels and vehicles.
His favorite is a construction vehicle: an excavator. He even tries to say it. He insists with all the body language he can muster to stop at any construction site in which an excavator is working.
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| Pointing out the 'excavator' on his shirt |
We are asking ourselves how much have we subconsciously directed him toward wheels and vehicles? According to research, by the time he's two years old he will 'know' which toys he's supposed to play with and which are designated for girls. There's even very little gender neutral clothing. The bottom line is we don't care that he likes wheels, but we are going to be certain he can tap into his feelings and express them. In Cedric's world, little boys are encouraged to cry when sad.
It's also much easier to get ready for an outing with a baby in a more temperate climate. We have to bundle ourselves up, and bundle up a third person who has to be 'dressed' in multiple layers, carried down the above mentioned 13 steps, then 'bagged' in the stroller. And if it's raining/snowing, well, then you have to cover the entire stroller with kid inside in a clear plastic overlay. Putting mittens on a one year old is an art in itself. And don't get me started on shoes. In NYC, people leave their outdoor shoes at the door. The streets are filthy with dog urine and fecal matter as well as ordinary human trash. No one, much less someone with a baby on the floor, wants that dirt in the house. In addition to sweaters, fleece, coats, mufflers, hats, and gloves, you have to change into your outdoor shoes at the door.
Another huge difference is the constant recording of his growing up. There's probably a picture or a video recording for every day of C's life especially since we've become his caretakers. His parents are both eager to see these little vignettes of his day, so we try to oblige. Using the little hand held computers we all have which are video recorders as well as cameras, it's so easy to document a kid even a codger like me can do it.
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| Granny, the codger, and Cedric, the one year old |
This is all a bright new world for Drake, and I'm grateful he's getting the birds eye view of what the nuts and bolts are all about in child rearing. He's been appalled at the constant demands which occur over and over throughout the day. We feed him and clean up after the food three times a day. And not just dishes, but the floor too. He's still in diapers, so there's that fun. There's lots more laundry and lots more floor care. C doesn't have quite enough teeth to just eat 'regular' food, so it's difficult to try and present appetizing meals even though his mother works like a Trojan making special food to give us choices. Like I said: Relentless.
On the plus side, C's got some new nuance to what he can do or who he is every single day. It's thrilling to watch him toddle six steps. It's amazing to hear him try for a new 'word'. It's satisfying he knows all his colors and shapes and is already thinking about numbers. And, he's developing his persona as a 'helper'. He thinks socks are his personal territory when they come out of the dryer. He's also being trained as a baseball fan. His Texas Ranger's cap which is just like Grandad's is a big favorite.
Starting into the second year is going to be full of challenges. Most of them will be all about managing not C but my own resources. I'm suspecting my body is going to give out long before I'm really ready to leave this job.
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| The 'has been' and the 'new prospect' |
