Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Victory!

The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter's chest swells with sustifiable pride as he declares total victory over the ENEMY!  The IPF has vanquished the dreaded pigeons trying to take over his mother's house.  As we all know, the IPF declared at the beginning of this battle, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!! will these miserable rat birds desecrate my mother's front porch."  Your faithful chronicler is happy to report that the pigeons have fled, and the IPF is alive and well.  His brilliant battle strategy succeeded beyond his wildest expectations.  Well deserved battle decorations are being awarded to the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter.  

As we speak, a ticker tape parade is being planned with the IPF waving to adoring masses from the back of a candy apple red convertible.  This parade is well deserved, and we are so happy to report that IPF has graciously agreed to help others in ridding their properties of the dreadful rat birds AKA urban rock pigeons.  Let's hear it for the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter!   

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter Returns!

The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter was cautiously optimistic at the end of this faithful chronicler's last report.  As of today, the confidence of the IPF remains high.  There have been new developments in the ongoing Pigeon War..........

The pigeons can now consistently identify the IPF, and they fly off the front porch light and awning rails as soon as he is spotted.  He doesn't even get a chance to touch the hose before the terrified pigeons take flight.  However.........  The IPF discovered that after a couple of hours, the pigeons felt secure enough to return to their roosting sites on the porch.  In a daring covert action, this faithful chronicler joined the battle. 

Upon returning from a evening of bridge, the covert strategy employing the faithful chronicler was put into motion.  The IPF walked directly into the house not even peeking at the enemy perching on the porch.  This faithful chronicler nonchalantly strolled to the hose, turned it on, and edged around the side of the house to quietly uncoil the water weapon.  Leaping from concealment, this faithful chronicler scored direct hits using the 'stream' setting of the hose weapon.  Squawking, the enemy flew away.  The IPF initiated the same strategy over the next two days.  Naturally, the dreaded enemy now associates this faithful chronicler with the hose weapon, and it is only effective when we can catch them sleeping.  However, the enemy is using the roosting site less and less.

The IPF has opened up another front:  Recruiting the neighbors to 'wire' the nesting sites on their homes.  So far two more homes have been wired.  Also, the next door neighbors have filled the 'runoff' spot where the pigeons have been watering.  The IPF has also solicited advice from long time residents.  The most bizarre advice?  One woman said a great way to get rid of pigeons is to put corn soaked in alcohol on the roof of their favorite house.  As they eat the corn, they become drunk and either fall off the roof or land on the ground in a stupor.  At that point, you simply stroll out to the yard, scoop them up and WRING THEIR NECKS.  Even the IPF was a bit taken aback at the blood thirsty solution. 

As I conclude, I'm getting ready to sneak outside, and using stealth, try to deploy the water weapon.    Wish me luck.............  

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Valentine Tribute



Valentine's Day is the greeting card holiday. From the time in elementary school while you waited beside your white paper bag carefully decorated with pink and red construction paper hearts for everyone in the class to walk by and drop in the Flintstones, Dinosaur or Barbie valentine card, to standing in front of your locker in high school just hoping that there would be a Valentine card pushed through the air slots, greeting cards are synonomous with Valentine's Day. Greeting cards go beyond that in my family. In fact, they have always had a special place in our family. My mother was always the 'card queen'; she had a greeting and note card stash that rivaled any store. She would say, “I just like my friends, and my family to know I'm thinking about them. Everybody likes to get a card.”
If there was an occasion, you could count on a card from her. She never forgot a birthday, or an anniversary, but she didn't stop there. She sent not only Valentine's Day cards, but also Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas cards. She sent new baby cards, graduation cards, get well cards, and sympathy cards. Those were just the ordinary cards.
The ones you looked for in the mailbox were the special cards. She seemed to have a sixth sense. Magically, when you most needed it, a card would suddenly appear with a note written in her flowery, curled, uniform Palmer handwriting using her own unique abbreviations. Sometimes she abbreviated so many words her sentiments had to be deciphered as if reading a secret code, but you always felt better after you made the effort. She used those special cards to acknowledge milestones, send encouragement, and sustain friendships.
My father confined his greeting cards purchases to the ones he bought for my mother. As a child I used to carefully handle those cards from him to her. They were always the prettiest, the most elaborate and they were always signed “With love, your Bill” You could see the care and effort he expended in picking them. I can close my eyes and imagine him standing in his dirty work clothes at the end of a long day pondering the greeting card rack while carefully selecting the perfect card. I discovered his card hiding place when I was about ten. I was helping him clean his pick-up truck. My part of the job was to clean the interior. When I opened the glove box to straighten it out, I found a card for my mother still in its small paper sack. He just smiled, and said, “Don't tell, now.”
From the vantage point of adulthood, I've realized that due to tight money, there were years in which birthday gifts, or sometimes even Christmas gifts just weren't part of those celebrations between my parents. But there were always, always beautiful cards expressing their love for one another.
Cards in our household said, “I love you.” “I'm thinking of you.” “I hurt for you.” “I'm proud of you.” “You're cherished.” “I appreciate you.” “You'll get through this.” All received cards were always given a place of honor on the top of the television for weeks after they came. Pictures that had been slipped into the cards were carefully propped up. As a teenager I used to think the television commercials and programs advertising greeting cards must have been made with my family, particularly my mother, in mind.
A few months after her 60th wedding anniversary, my mother suddenly died leaving behind my father who was deeply mired in dementia. It fell to my husband and I to close down my parent's lives. There was a house to empty, clean up and sell. This was a sad and difficult time. There was so much stuff to go through – 50 years worth accumulated in the house they had scrimped and saved to buy in 1957.
I was so tired that day of 'going through' and 'cleaning out'. There was only 1100 square feet and a one car garage to deal with, but there was a lot of cleverly built storage all full of things. It just seemed like endless tasks lay ahead of me. I opened a closet door to see a half dozen cardboard boxes neatly stacked in the back corner. Sighing, I pulled the top one open having no idea what they contained.
As I pulled back the flap of the first box, I stood there stunned. My mother had saved every card she had received from the time she was first married in 1947 right up to the last card given to her – a 2007 Valentine's card from me. I found in those neatly stacked boxes, sixty years of love returned to her in those cards. It was a chronicle of love that wound throughout her life, and encircled her friends and family down through the years. “Mother, thanks for........” “Jo, if it hadn't been for you.....” “Honey, I'll always love you......” There were happy birthdays and merry Christmases as well as other deeply personal and touching cards that had been sent to her. Amazingly, when my father became too ill with dementia to actually go out and buy her an anniversary or birthday card, she recycled earlier cards he had given her. That way, he could continue to participate in the deeply loving ritual between the two of them. I sat there for hours reading those cards smiling, crying, and laughing. It was the most unique eulogy I've every had the privilege to witness.
Even though my mother was 80 years old at the time of her death, it took me the better part of two days on the telephone to notify all her friends of her passing. I heard stories and learned things about her I had never known as I made those calls. And I heard over and over again, “I'm so going to miss your mother's cards. It's just not going to seem the same without your mother's cards.” What was really being said was, I'm going to miss your mother's love. She sent some out with every card she mailed, and that love sustained, nurtured, rejoiced and encouraged. I found the returned love in those boxes. It was humbling and marvelous and moving. My mother passed almost five years ago, but when milestones occur, I still find myself looking for her cards.
I learned to send cards early. I know because I found those cards in my mother's boxes. I've realized I got not only my eyes from my mother, but I also caught on to the idea that you can send love via the mailbox, and you can receive it too. Just as my mother's boxes were unknown to me, I, too, have my secret boxes. They are full of my cards. They go back to 1969, and continue to the present day further unwinding that ribbon of love my mother started. Yes, cards are important in my family. That tradition continues......... I wonder if my daughter has her secret boxes.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Daring Nocturnal Exploits of The Great Pigeon War

The mood of the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter grew black as he realized he was being outwitted by the enemy.  As the result of intensive research, the IPF chose his initial battle strategy:  Aluminum Foil.  The battleground looks like a festive glittering Christmas display glinting in the ever present Arizona sunlight.  No pigeon ever landed on the shining, twinkling aluminum foil wrapped awning struts or porch light.  Cautious optimism reigned at IPF headquarters...........until dark fell.  

ZOUNDS!  Shiny, glittery became comfortably visible in the dark.  Before you could say, "Coo, coo", not just one but the original nesting pair of pigeons were happily shitting all over the front door and step from dark to dawn.  The IPF has seethed with frustration and the bitter realization that he had partially lost the first skirmish to the enemy.

New plans were called for.

Research recommenced.  The IPF considered his options.  Poison corn?  Pellet gun?  No.......dead bird disposal would be problematic in the land of abundant sunshine and once a week garbage pick up.  Decoy eggs?  Pigeon feed laced with contraceptives?  No..........too much specialized knowledge together with those methodologies not correcting today's problem.   Rocks or other projectiles?  No........window breakage could be an unwanted result.  Finally, the IPF, clever fellow that he is, thoughtfully devised a fiendish nocturnal attack plan.

Back to weapons headquarters to obtain the perfect weapon around which the new plan of attack revolved:  The common garden water hose fitted with the latest technology:  a multiple head water sprayer.  The plan of attack commenced at sunset.  Stealthily slipping out the garage, the IPF silently uncoiled a short length of garden hose, slowly turned on the water and ATTACKED the pair of roosting pigeons by directing a concentrated stream of water square at the breasts of the dozing, unsuspecting enemy pair.  Total surprise achieved!  SQUAWK!  The pair of invaders flew away.  

The next evening, the IPF initiated the same procedure with the same satisfying result.  However, upon returning from a late dinner, the marauding pair were once more comfortably ensconced in their roost above the front doorstep.  Enraged at their audacity, the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter charged to the water hose and once more dispatched the pair.  "That should do it!", he exclaimed.

The next morning arrived with a dispatch from the off premises research staff.  The news?  French research has shown that the enemy (pigeons) are in the upper eschelon of intelligence in the bird world, and can actually recognize and HOLD GRUDGES against people who are mean to them.  The fearless Intrepid Pigeon Fighter is unafraid.  In fact, his attitude can be expressed as that of a debonair, devil may care professional pigeon warrior:  "Hah!  They should be afraid, very afraid of ME!  Their grudges mean nothing and will not deter me in the slightest in this all out war."   Grimly, the IPF settled in to await the dusk.  

Sure enough, research was validated.  The IPF nonchalantly strolled out of the garage at sunset and just TOUCHED the water hose.   The enemy flew away before he could even turn on the water.  Reconnoiters over the next three hours showed neither hide nor feather of the enemy roosting above the front doorstep.  

The IPF is cautiously optimistic.............     

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Great Pigeon War

When we drove up to the house, the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter tensed as a large, gray and iridescently marked pigeon flew right over the car and landed on the struts of the awning.  "This is going to be trouble", said Drake.  Sure enough........upon reconnaissance of the perimeter of the house, by the IPF (aka "Drake") there was a NEST with a sitting pigeon tucked back inside one eave.  "This is WAR, declared Drake.  

The first attack wave required specialized equipment. With his safety goggles, dust mask, wearing leather gloves and with a six foot aluminum ladder tucked under his arm, the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter grimly prepared to attack the nest.  The initial mission was to scare off the nesting pigeons.  With that mission accomplished, it was a nasty job to pull the nest out from the inside of the eaves.  Fortunately, there were no baby pigeon casualties, so the IPF was not guilty of war crimes.  However, there was an acceptable casualty rate of at least one pigeon egg being destroyed.  The second phase of the initial attack then commenced:  The placing of the metal web fencing to close off the nesting area, so the evil rat birds would not just move back in and recreate the nest.  With the second mission accomplished, the IPF retired from the field to formulate his next move.  


The second attack required extensive information gathering before the IPF could formulate his attack plan.   He discovered it's very, very difficult to dislodge a determined flock of pigeons once they have chosen a roosting and nesting place.  Feral urban pigeons are a cross-breed of escaped domestic pigeons and wild wood pigeons.  The original wood pigeons (so stupidly named) chose notches in sea cliffs as their preferred nesting sites.  Eaves and building ledges have become the substitute sea cliffs for the feral urban pigeons, AKA "The Enemy".  


The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter selected his first weapon choosing to use the aluminum foil feint in his two prong attack plan.  Shiny aluminum foil is supposed to repel the Enemy.  It is purported by pigeon war experts that the birds are supposed to be afraid of the glint of shiny aluminum foil and will not land on it.  The IPF thus wrapped the top of the porch light, and all the awning struts with shiny aluminum foil while exclaiming, "HAH, take that you miserable birds!"  


It took a trip to the weapons dump to secure the weapon needed for the second prong of the attack:  The weapon?  Poultry Wire, which we Okies call "Chicken Wire".  Mastering this weapon resulted in the IPF being wounded, and being awarded the prestigious Purple Egg medal of valor.  It took some extensive application of liquid bandage before the IPF was ready to deploy the weapon.  With grim determination, the Intrepid Pigeon Fighter fashioned wire coverings for all the holes in the eaves, paying particular attention to any possible holes that could be roosting sites of the filthy enemy.  


At the conclusion of the second attack, the war has entered the wait and see phase..............as the IPF contemplates solar powered motion decoy owls, poison, and perhaps renting a falcon, the atomic bomb to the pigeon world.  The  Intrepid Pigeon Fighter has declared that he will not falter until TOTAL VICTORY IS ACHIEVED in The Great Pigeon War.  Watch for the next dispatch from this fearless reporter chronicling each successive battle in this ongoing war.           
 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

On the Road Again

Austin was terrific, and we partied right up to 12 hours before we left town.  We really miss Sarah, but let me tell you, we don't miss the juniper pollen -  the reaction to which is commonly called 'cedar fever' in central Texas.  It struck with a vengeance, and just about felled me.  It was so bad that I'm contemplating getting re-tested for allergic sensitivities.  It's been 25 years since I was 'tested', and I took shots for about 3 years. 

  We've spent about eight months living with other people's furniture, dishes and beds.  The New York duplex was fine - we were never there, and I didn't cook a single meal.  The New Hampshire ski chalet was better than it appeared at first glance, but having a kitchen where you can stand in the center and touch every wall leaves something to be desired.  The Austin condo was just awful.  From the too soft beds, to the horribly uncomfortable furniture, this place was miserable to live in.  Staying in it for 10 weeks was downright trying. HOWEVER, that said, the location was fabulous.  If I only had to stay in it for 2 weeks, I'd do it again to be so close to Sarah.   We did take our 40" flat screen everywhere - and used it in both New Hampshire and Austin.  Since we didn't take our furniture, we spent an entire day at our storage unit completely unloading and reloading our trailer before we could take off.
Two interesting things happened on the way out to Arizona - one good and one bad.  The bad news first:  We were tooling down the interstate between Fort Worth and Odessa when we heard a loud BANG.  I just happened to glance out the side mirror to see the bizarre sight of one of our bikes BOUNCING down the interstate as we continued to speed along.  It turns out that Drake forgot to tie the bikes down to the trays the bikes sit in on top of the car.  We had so much happening as we were trying to leave Austin that it just slipped his mind.  We got from Austin to Hurst just fine, but there were high winds as we headed toward Odessa.  Of course, the bike was destroyed - I should say MY bike was destroyed.  We were so fortunate that there wasn't another car or truck behind us.  I'm sure a bouncing bike coming at you on the Interstate would cause a definite panic if not a busted windshield or an outright wreck. 

The good news is that I got to pick up some more rocks at the Rockhound State Park outside of Deming, New Mexico.  This is a small state park in the middle of nowhere.  You get to go walk around in the desert that was the site of a series of volcanic explosions millions of years ago.   What's left is a hodgepodge of different types of rocks.  Many of them are fused together in interesting combinations.  Now, understand, these rocks weren't as good as the ones I got at the Ruggles Mine in New Hampshire, but the Rockhound State Park only wanted $5 for the privilege of picking up rocks.  That's a pretty good price for 15 pounds of rocks.  Drake was just thrilled, utterly thrilled.  (NOT)

Since we got to Arizona, we have been shopping for my favorite item to purchase:  a house.  We have decided to buy a condo in Sun City, Arizona - the first mecca of retirees.  In 1960 Del Webb, a savvy builder, hatched the scheme of creating a contained community for old people.  He built houses, recreation centers, tennis courts, ball fields, and multiple golf courses.  He restricted purchase of the houses to people over 55.  This idea proved wildly popular, and expanded over a 10 year period of building into three phases.  He also built similar developments across the country.  The housing real estate prices in Arizona have plummeted by as much as 50% in value over the past 3 years.  We realized that if we wanted to winter with Drake's mother, it now made economic sense to buy something for virtually the same price that we could rent something for 3 or 4 months.  Plus, there was the added incentive of Spring Training each March. 

We've been house hunting for about three days, and today are at the final stages of getting the contract signed by the Seller of the house we picked.  We bought a really cute doll house (1348 square feet) with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and it's own orange tree.  It's spitting distance from the newest recreation center in Sun City - that means large heated pool, gigantic exercise facility, walking track,  and the Maricopa County library branch.  It's very close to Drake's mother's house.  The down side?  The address:  Drake is fuming over the street name:  West Corte del Sol Este - yes, a 5 word street name - in Spanish no less.  Translation for you non-Southwest readers - Court of the Sun, East.  The street is actually a cul de sac, with a green belt at the end of it.  On the other side of the green belt is the continuation of the street called, wait for it, West Corte del Sol Oeste (Court of the Sun, West).  Fortunately, we don't get much snail mail.  This has all been so exciting.  Assuming the Seller signs the contract tonight, we just have to get through the inspection on Thursday morning.    

In the middle of all the house hunting, I got a new bicycle - well, new to me.  It's a 1978 Schwinn Collegiate which has THREE gears and coaster brakes.  It looks brand new - shiny blue frame and silver chrome fenders.  It even has it's own rear view mirror.  I'm deliriously happy with it.  It only lacks those wonderful streamers you can put at the ends of the handlebars.  Hopefully, I won't be confused by gears I don't understand, and my feet can once more stop the bicycle.  This should greatly reduce the bike crash factor for me.  

Once we get closed and settled, I'll take some house pix for you faithful readers.  Expect us back in Texas in April to pick up the contents of our storage unit.  In the meantime, we are Drake's mom's house waiting for our closing.  You can reach me by snail mail at:  9606-A West Mountainview Road, Peoria, AZ 85345.                     

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Austin: Donut and Donut Hole

Howdy from Texas!  I definitely know I'm in Texas, in the heart of Texas as a matter of fact:  Austin.  Austin is often considered the oasis or mecca of Texas especially by those people who went to the University of Texas or those we reside in Austin.  I'm here to tell you though that there are two distinct Austins. 

I consider Austin to be a big, old donut.  The doughy part is urban Texan, recognizable to anyone who lives in the Big D, Fort Worth, San Antone, Houston or any number of smaller Texas cities.  Its full of big box stores, slick strip shopping malls filled with chain stores, and every restaurant chain is represented not just once but multiple times as you move around the donut - think Round Rock which is a seamless suburb of Austin but has more in common with Dallas or Fort Worth. 

As a Texan, have you noticed that we are no longer a 'rural' state? - only about 14% of Texan can be considered hayseeds now.  That doesn't mean there aren't a lot of them - we have the largest rural population in numbers of any state - over 3 million.  Those 14% are busy, as they account for Texas being #1 of all the states in livestock production and #2 of all the states in agricultural production.  That's why this catastrophic drought covering the state is going to impact the rest of the country.    Demographically, though, virtually everything west of Fort Worth has been losing population.  We are the fastest growing state in the Union - almost a 13% increase in population in the last 10 years.  People are streaming into the urban areas - especially around Austin.  Not too many people are moving into central Austin - what I call the 'hole'

I live in the hole of the Austin donut.  The hole is between the two major freeways running north/south (I-35 and "Mopac") and between two major highways running east/west (Hwy 183 'Research' and Hwy 71 - 'Ben White")  The 'hole' includes the University of Texas: 50,000 students.  It includes the State Capitol.  It includes some of the oldest neighborhoods in Austin.  The roads are almost incomprehensible filled with 'gotchas' of vanishing lanes, zigzags, and streets with 1/2 attached to their names.  There are more men with long hair here per square mile than anywhere other than some environs of California.   There's also a lot of tie dye, tattoos, headbands, and people still making a somewhat dubious living making bongs or ethnic jewelry.  The young financially successful also live in the 'hole'.  They live in neighborhoods close to the trendiest restaurants, bars, and 'nightlife'.  This is one of the few spots in Texas that has inflated housing prices, and one of the few places in the country where those inflated prices didn't take a 50% tumble. 

I have heard "the Hole" referred to as "Nut Town", that Commie town, (for those of you born after 1990 - "commie" means Communist in a very derogatory sense), and Weirdsville.  I've heard that this part of Austin can either be considered an oasis or an infection depending on what Texan you talk to.  It's definitely not homogenized and marches to a beat that is hard to quantify.  The 'hole' slogan is "Keep Austin Weird".  What they mean is to actively boycott chain restaurants, and big box stores as much as possible in favor of locally owned businesses.  People who live inside the hole are willing to pay a small premium to keep those local businesses afloat.  Every restaurant inside this area of Austin can be packed on a Friday night, and the one Chili's I've seen has an empty parking lot.  There are lots of practical shops that harken back to the 1950's. 
 
Another result of the Keep Austin Weird campaign is wonderful restaurants and interesting shops that sell everything from the most mundane to high art.  The "hole" even has it's own hotel/motel:  The Austin Motel - whose motto is:  "So close yet so far out."      http://www.austinmotel.com/   They even have their own grocery store here: Whole Foods - which got its start in the hole part of Austin.  This area has it's own fashion color too:  Burnt Orange, which is really amusing, considering that most women wouldn't be caught dead in this color since it's really, really unflattering.  However, in the Hole of Austin, you can buy everything from a toilet seat, to a car in that nauseating color.  Every hat here has a pair of horns on it.  Because of the preponderance of people under the age of 40, when I'm here I feel ancient.  In most situations I've found myself in the past several weeks, I'm the oldest person in the room - and that includes Drake since I'm four days older than he is.   

There are three iconic buildings in the hole:  The UT Tower which is bathed in that Burnt Orange color after any football victory, the State Capitol which can still be viewed unobstructed from the length of Congress Avenue, and the Frost Building which is actually lovely with its top looking like wings of frost. 

This is a fascinating place to live.  It's the most experimental place in Texas.  It's the most obnoxious place - as only that crazy, college thing can be.  It's  the most politically liberal pocket of Texas.  It's a visual throwback to the early 1970's, and in that regard, it's a bit unsettling.  Sometimes time stands still here and yet, sometimes the 'hole' is on the cutting age of change.  This had been another fascinating place to live.