A Marriage Tale

Did you know marriage is on the decline in the United States?  No, I'm not talking about D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  Here's an illustration:  Sixty years ago, a staple American women's magazine, Ladies Home Journal, launched a monthly advice column called:  "Can This Marriage be Saved?"  If you picked up an LMJ, the mag would practically fall open to the start of that feature it was so popular.  When the true story articles began to be written, 75% of Americans were married, now only 50% are, and only 20% (vs 50% in 1960) of Millennials are married.  My figures are from the Pew Research Center, and they claim with justification I think that marriage is the bedrock institution of civilization.  Incidentally, they see the current trend as a reconfiguration of family as a whole in America, but that's another blog entry.

I've been thinking a lot about marriage in the past few weeks.  It's natural since today is my 45th wedding anniversary.  Yes, I know, I look way, way too young to have been married for 45 years.

Not really...  here's what we looked like three days after the 1971 wedding.  Notice how I'm carefully showing off the new wedding ring. I mean, hey, it cost $8.00, and it was GOLD.  (It still is; I'm looking at it right now.)  Have you ever seen such a pair of CHILDREN!!!!  And we thought we were grown up and knew exactly what we were doing. Today, on good days I smile broadly when I think about my 20 year old self, and on bad days, I roll around on the floor, laughing.  Incidentally, this is my only wedding picture taken by my mother who was just so relieved we were no longer living in sin.  She didn't charge us for the photography.  Oh, how times have changed.  

Here we are ten years after the 'wedding portrait'.  Having eloped a decade earlier, I was still regretting not having a real wedding.  At age 30, I was still crying at weddings since I thought I'd missed so much.  There are three interesting things about this photo.  First, Drake is wearing a 'medal' presented to him by our closest friends recognizing how hard it had been on him to be married to me for ten years.  Second, look closely, yes, I have LONG hair and so does Drake!  Third, the celebration of our tenth anniversary was a party, given by Margie McIntyre and Patti Graham, to mimic a wedding reception.  So, thanks to them, I got to have the best part of the wedding....the party!

Fast forward another fifteen years to our 25th anniversary.  (Jeez, when you've been married forever, there's a lot of history, isn't there?).  This time I gave my own party in our Hurst house assisted by our ten year old daughter.  Attendees were most of the same friends who were at my 10th plus some.  I tell you what.  One thing marriage teaches you is to be tenacious.  Once I'm your friend; I'm tough to shake.  

Interesting isn't it we document weddings so relentlessly.  When it comes to marriage, nobody takes any atta girl, atta boy pictures when you consciously pull up your socks and decide you are going to work out the problem, damn it, even if he/she is a total ASS. There aren't any finger pointing, shouting, arm waving, red in the face, door slamming, sullen, pouting silences, quietly expressing your points, grudgingly compromising, making up pictures are there?  There are no leaning on you, building you up, making the best of, working out a budget, sticking to a budget, hand wringing at the sick bed, going to another one of of his/her family events, or always being there in a crisis photos. 

We document our happy events.  Weddings, births, birthday parties, well, any party, actually, holidays, vacations, new houses, new furniture, new cars, special presents, pets, and family gatherings.  So, today is the anniversary of my wedding, which included a trip to Texas (foreshadowing or what), a Dairy Queen meal, a Justice of the Peace ceremony at the Gainesville courthouse, and a thrown together party by our garage mate, Rick Graves.  Today, however, really has nothing to do with our marriage other than to be an arithmetic tally.  

Marriage is too big, too emotional, too big of an investment to be measured by one day. It's a figurative place built carefully year by year, and in the early days not carefully enough, and my marriage is really the story of me since I've always had Drake and he's always had me ever since we were seventeen.  Such a long time; such a short time.