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| Staring Down the Humans |
The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter, whose fame was enhanced by several blog entries [1/30/12; 2/5/12/; 2/21/12] , retired from competition many years ago after winning his gold medal. He defeated an entire flock of the rat birds on behalf of his mother. He vanquished these pests from nesting in the eaves of her house. He entertained thousands of pigeon fighting admirers with his intrepid battles against roosting by these vermin on his mother's front porch. And, when the field was won, he passed on his winning techniques in the Intrepid Pigeon Fighting School he founded using his sponsorship $$.
Upon our move to Brooklyn, NY, he closed his school and considered himself completely retired from the pigeon fighting business. However, his outrage has been building. While living here, he's discovered a mutated version of these so called 'rock doves'. If you are walking on the city streets, these pigeons stare you down. Expect to be pecked, or even flocked, if you make the unwise choice of trying to 'shoo' these so called 'birds' out of your path. The IPF thinks these NY pigeons must be a mutation of the suburban version. They nest on roof tops in a thin oxygen atmosphere. Intrepid speculates there must be pigeon brain mutation since their diet is totally take-out/delivery.
The Intrepid Pigeon Fighter is so concerned with the bold attitude of these NYC pigeons, he's willing to share all his pigeon fighting methodology and techniques with any interested New Yorker. Just send, a stamped, self addressed envelope together with $100 dollars in food delivery coupons to THE INTREPID PIGEON FIGHTER, Brooklyn, NY 11231. Satisfaction guaranteed! New Yorkers what do you have to lose? This pigeon behavior is INTOLERABLE!
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| Owl Sleeper |
1 comment:
Comments? How can one comment on a saga such as this? I immediately did what everyone else between the ages of 8 and 80. I Googled the subject. I was astonished to find that the EPA and Homeland Security have no public information on this devastating situation. Of course you will note I did say “public” information. I am certain there is at least one clandestine organization tasked with weaponizing what appears to be a well covered up situation. My initial belief is that this deviant variety is due to the effects of Global Warming.
A partial solution would be to increase the value of the Pigeon by Tweeting pigeon casserole recipes and operating food trucks with pigeon tacos. This would drastically reduce their numbers but also could risk the development of NYC Pigeon under ground farms which would of course be controlled by various third world gangs. I believe NYC best option would be a Bronson or Dirty Harry approach to rid themselves of this honor before the island slowly sinks into the sea. Which brings up other topics which I feel a Texan should not discuss in print..
Dr Tom
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