On a time continuum, our lives are ending. Sarah and Jay's lives are beginning. I've discovered that getting ready for a wedding and the attendant parties and events is a marathon, or at best a really involved project requiring management skills, organizational genius, and the ability to draw upon life experiences to maintain focus and perspective. What doesn't happen is a lot of time for reflection.
I just read an essay quoting Annie Dillard, a successful, famous American writer, who was musing on the idea that "How we spend our days is how we spend our life." She suggests that we set ourselves into schedules imposed from within and without, and the days blur together. When we look back, what we perceive is "a blurred and powerful pattern". That idea of pattern really struck me. We divide our lives into pre and post events. We define and redefine our schedules at those points.
Snugly entrenched into our current schedule, we occasionally look up and back. What we see is the pattern - of junior high, of high school, of college, of graduate school, of law school, of medical school, of CPA school, of welding school, of trade school, of cosmetology school. Of the single life, the married life, the pre death and post death life.
Out of the blur we only have a few spikes of time sticking up; times of intense emotion which have evolved into static snapshots of feelings often the basis of told and retold family stories to codify and classify. We adjust our schedules and cement our snapshots as we move in and out of one another's lives.
Would you want to vividly remember each day in each phase of your life? I can remember being grateful I was old when Sarah was born and, thus, had a better appreciation of how fast time flows. I vowed the day she was born to not take my time with her as something to be gotten through or rushed along. I still only have snapshots as hard as I tried to savor the time. The other end of the birth and growth experience spectrum is so painful I'm grateful for selective amnesia. Are we genetically wired as a species to blur our lives?
Do some people deliberately set out to live a life of meaning? Can you deliberately choose to do that? Who are these people? Are they plugged into one of the many faces of God accepting direction and instruction? I have Christian friends who would certainly say so. Meaningful is a loaded word, isn't it? Children make my life meaningful. Altruism is meaningful. Productivity is meaningful. Creativity is meaningful. Contemplation, serenity, action, decision making, can all become frameworks for a meaningful life.
I'm charged and upbeat about being in a new place since it gives us the opportunity to redefine the daily schedule. What gives this current phase of my life joyful meaning is getting up each morning knowing today can be a wild card. If I choose, it can be totally different from yesterday. It's freeing; it's scary; it's as much of a responsibility as committing to the monotonous schedule of younger years. Is it meaningful? I don't know.
I do know "the family" is looking at pictures, and developing our stories of this momentous wedding. And, yes, momentous is relative depending on what circle you are orbiting. I've tried to tell Sarah that her life is now forever changed by formally committing to marriage. The wedding is the spike; now comes the blur. Her life is in her hands.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
The Grove Cemetery & Yale Environs
Just a few blocks from our 1929 apartment and on the edge of the Yale campus is the Grove Cemetery. The cemetery was organized in 1797 and was the first private, non-profit cemetery in the world. It incorporated the new idea of a planned lay-out, permanently owned family plots, structured plantings, and paved, named streets. There are 14 former Yale presidents buried here including Bart Giamatti, better known to us as the Commissioner of Major League Baseball who permanently banned Pete Rose from professional baseball. The entrance on Grove Street is through an Egyptian Revival stone gateway designed by Henry Austin
and built in 1845. The quote on the lintel ("The Dead Shall be Raised") is from 1 Corinthians 15:52, and wags claim numerous Yale Presidents have said, "They certainly will be if Yale needs the property."
Just inside the gate is the 'office' which was once a Victorian Chapel.
Just inside the gate is the 'office' which was once a Victorian Chapel.
This was a beautiful cemetery with a park like atmosphere. It was a balmy summer day with rain washed bright blue sky - a really lovely day to be out for a stroll. There are several famous people buried here, the most recognizable being Eli Whitney, the inventor of the cotton gin. The cemetery is the final home of many, many Yale notables. Drake commented that it's easy to see why these Yale people all feel a loyalty to this place with its long traditions.
Walking throughout the cemetery we were able to get glimpses of some of the Yale architecture. There were also flowering dogwood trees. One of the reasons this cemetery is on the National Historic Register is because of the variety of gravestones and monuments that dot the cemetery. Here's one of my favorites, the female sphinx.
We found veterans of all the American wars as well as a signer of the Declaration of Independence. We found someone who died during the California Gold Rush. We found a student of Yale who died in 1725. We found a family who changed the spelling of their name. We found a woman born in 1687 in Waterton, New England - this would be prior to the organization of Connecticut. We found lots of interesting gravestones and monuments.
Then we strolled back to our apartment through a portion of the Yale campus with me snapping pix of some of that fascinating architecture.
Enjoy the pictures: https://picasaweb.google.com/jalyss1/2013ConnecticutTourOneNewHavenYale?authkey=Gv1sRgCImG-7OvorH-kQE
P.S. Can you tell we're traveling again? Two blogs in two days!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Welcome to Yale-ville
The trip across country was relaxing when contrasted to the lead-up days and the big wedding event. We got to eat at two of our favorite restaurants. The first is in Holbrook, Arizona. It's a third generation Mexican restaurant right on old Route 66 that has the best Tex-Mex I've ever eaten. The second place, amazingly, is in Dickson, Tennessee. Lugo's is a fabulous 4 star restaurant opened by a culinary trained chef and his wife in this dink town because they wanted a small town atmosphere in which to raise their children. This place is about 25 miles outside of Nashville, and each time the food shines. I've never eaten better food anywhere including New York, San Francisco or New Orleans.
We rolled into New Haven, Connecticut and have spent the first two days getting settled. Sarah and Jay did a great job getting their apartment ready for us to sublet. The apartment was built in 1929, and had all the mod-cons of the era. There's the original elevator complete with the wire grate you have to pull across when you enter the telephone booth sized box. (Thank heaven this apartment is on the second floor, so we haven't bothered with the 80+ year old contraption.) The apartments include a built in bathroom, hardwood floors, 10 foot high ceilings, electricity, AND a built in ice-box (and I mean an enameled box lined with wood that you cooled with ice). The kitchen has its original cabinetry - not wood, but metal painted with enameled paint - like those old fashioned turkey roaster pans. The doorknobs are glass. There's a brass circle about 3" in diameter cut into the front door with a little piece of swinging metal, so you can see who's calling at your door before opening it. The windowsills are about 8" deep. Everything has been painted about a million times, but the interior of the apartment and the exterior of the building and the common spaces are surprisingly clean, neat and bright. The apartment is chopped up into tiny rooms, but the 10 foot high ceilings keep it from being claustrophobic. Believe me when I tell you I've lived in much worse places than this. Our apartment when we first married was 1/2 of a detached garage built in the 1930's. You could laughingly call it a 'studio'. We called it Crazy Betty's garage.
One of the perks of living close to Yale, and I mean spitting distance, is we are on the free Yale Shuttle route. Mysteriously, there are no paper maps of this system. Everyone has helpfully explained that all we have to do is go on-line, and there's everything we need. Yeah, everything EXCEPT where the Shuttle stops. One of the things we quickly learned is there's no place to park a car. We haven't been able to find anywhere legal to park in the SUMMERTIME when no one is here. I can't imagine what the parking problem is like when all the students are here. Sarah got us a parking permit for our car in the Yale garage that serves their apartment building, and her friend, Meriam, got us a second permit for our trailer. Our hope was that the car and the trailer would be housed in the garage right across the street, and we would use the trailer like a big closet.
It was a good thought. The trailer was 2" too tall for the garage. At this point, we figured we were screwed. As we traipsed up to the building where all the Yale parking is assigned, paid for, and denied, we weren't hopeful. Our expectation was to encounter the parking counterpart of Lily Tomlin's character Ernestine. (This famous character was a woman who worked for the one and only telephone company, and who loved denying service to customers because "We're the phone company, and we can".) Instead, we encountered Linda, a Yale employee who worked very hard to find us a space that would work for our trailer. Ironically, we wound up in the postage stamp size hidden parking lot of the School of Forestry and the Environment which is one of the schools who will be issuing a Master's Degree to Sarah in a couple of years.
We took the free Yale shuttle all day long our first day in New Haven. It seemed like we would just walk up to the intersection where we thought we could catch it, and the one we wanted would be pulling away from the curb. There was a lot of standing around admiring the architecture. And let me tell you - there's architecture coming out the wazoo in this place. I noticed there's a tour of the Yale architecture this coming Saturday, and I think I'm going to hook on. There are buildings on top of buildings here all crammed together. As we rode the Shuttle from place to place running our errands, I quipped to Drake that this was the poor man's Greyline tour.
Another smooth spot of this visit is the giant cat. Jackson (who I call Alice half
the time), is HUGE. He must weigh 20 pounds, and his tail is 18" long. He is magnificent looking, and he's really been lonely since Jay and Sarah have been gone so much. Now, he's deliriously happy there are people living with him who talk to him and pet him and tell him what a great cat he is. Actually, he's a little flatulent, slightly stupid, and shedding so much that you'd swear you can see the hair wafting off him as he walks. Well, today we upped the grooming, and I combed about a pound of hair out of his coat while Drake vacuumed the entire apartment. We have been looking forward to having a temporary pet. We've almost always had a pet - first there was Fanny who lived with us for 12 years, and then Alice who lived with us for 19 years. My only complaint about the cat is he thinks he's going to sleep in the bed with us. Nope. He keeps trying, and he hasn't realized that it's never going to happen. When Sarah comes back, he can resume his place which seems to be on the pillow. Until then, he's banned from the bedroom at night.
We're settling in nicely here. I've been sleeping more than eight hours a night, and I'm starting to feel rested after the wedding madness. I'm looking forward to the day trips. I picked up a bunch of Connecticut tourist literature, and in the fourth smallest state, it's pretty easy to go anywhere and back in a day. One of the things I've had to learn is that every paper state road map is the same size. However, what may be 300 miles on the paper map of Texas can easily be only 30 miles in these tiny states. No matter how small, these states all have stuff they are proud of. Like who knew there were 24 wineries in Connecticut? I see a wine tour in our future. There's a bunch of history here - New Haven is 375 years old. There's an old cemetery in the middle of Yale, and there are free tours on the weekends. I also found the Yale Caberet which is apparently a summer drama club of Yale students who are putting on a season of plays this summer. I've barely had time to look around, and I can already see lots to do. For now, I'm just glad to be feeling well, have a cat to pet, and a new place to explore.
We rolled into New Haven, Connecticut and have spent the first two days getting settled. Sarah and Jay did a great job getting their apartment ready for us to sublet. The apartment was built in 1929, and had all the mod-cons of the era. There's the original elevator complete with the wire grate you have to pull across when you enter the telephone booth sized box. (Thank heaven this apartment is on the second floor, so we haven't bothered with the 80+ year old contraption.) The apartments include a built in bathroom, hardwood floors, 10 foot high ceilings, electricity, AND a built in ice-box (and I mean an enameled box lined with wood that you cooled with ice). The kitchen has its original cabinetry - not wood, but metal painted with enameled paint - like those old fashioned turkey roaster pans. The doorknobs are glass. There's a brass circle about 3" in diameter cut into the front door with a little piece of swinging metal, so you can see who's calling at your door before opening it. The windowsills are about 8" deep. Everything has been painted about a million times, but the interior of the apartment and the exterior of the building and the common spaces are surprisingly clean, neat and bright. The apartment is chopped up into tiny rooms, but the 10 foot high ceilings keep it from being claustrophobic. Believe me when I tell you I've lived in much worse places than this. Our apartment when we first married was 1/2 of a detached garage built in the 1930's. You could laughingly call it a 'studio'. We called it Crazy Betty's garage.
One of the perks of living close to Yale, and I mean spitting distance, is we are on the free Yale Shuttle route. Mysteriously, there are no paper maps of this system. Everyone has helpfully explained that all we have to do is go on-line, and there's everything we need. Yeah, everything EXCEPT where the Shuttle stops. One of the things we quickly learned is there's no place to park a car. We haven't been able to find anywhere legal to park in the SUMMERTIME when no one is here. I can't imagine what the parking problem is like when all the students are here. Sarah got us a parking permit for our car in the Yale garage that serves their apartment building, and her friend, Meriam, got us a second permit for our trailer. Our hope was that the car and the trailer would be housed in the garage right across the street, and we would use the trailer like a big closet.
It was a good thought. The trailer was 2" too tall for the garage. At this point, we figured we were screwed. As we traipsed up to the building where all the Yale parking is assigned, paid for, and denied, we weren't hopeful. Our expectation was to encounter the parking counterpart of Lily Tomlin's character Ernestine. (This famous character was a woman who worked for the one and only telephone company, and who loved denying service to customers because "We're the phone company, and we can".) Instead, we encountered Linda, a Yale employee who worked very hard to find us a space that would work for our trailer. Ironically, we wound up in the postage stamp size hidden parking lot of the School of Forestry and the Environment which is one of the schools who will be issuing a Master's Degree to Sarah in a couple of years.
We took the free Yale shuttle all day long our first day in New Haven. It seemed like we would just walk up to the intersection where we thought we could catch it, and the one we wanted would be pulling away from the curb. There was a lot of standing around admiring the architecture. And let me tell you - there's architecture coming out the wazoo in this place. I noticed there's a tour of the Yale architecture this coming Saturday, and I think I'm going to hook on. There are buildings on top of buildings here all crammed together. As we rode the Shuttle from place to place running our errands, I quipped to Drake that this was the poor man's Greyline tour.
Another smooth spot of this visit is the giant cat. Jackson (who I call Alice half
We're settling in nicely here. I've been sleeping more than eight hours a night, and I'm starting to feel rested after the wedding madness. I'm looking forward to the day trips. I picked up a bunch of Connecticut tourist literature, and in the fourth smallest state, it's pretty easy to go anywhere and back in a day. One of the things I've had to learn is that every paper state road map is the same size. However, what may be 300 miles on the paper map of Texas can easily be only 30 miles in these tiny states. No matter how small, these states all have stuff they are proud of. Like who knew there were 24 wineries in Connecticut? I see a wine tour in our future. There's a bunch of history here - New Haven is 375 years old. There's an old cemetery in the middle of Yale, and there are free tours on the weekends. I also found the Yale Caberet which is apparently a summer drama club of Yale students who are putting on a season of plays this summer. I've barely had time to look around, and I can already see lots to do. For now, I'm just glad to be feeling well, have a cat to pet, and a new place to explore.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
And the Wedding
I've discovered that your child getting married is a lot like your child being born. Time both speeds up and slows down. The actual wedding day seemed to go by in a flash, but moments during the day were like a slow motion film. Here's what happened.
The day started at 4:40 am for Drake and I. I don't think we could have slept another minute if we had wanted to. Drake especially was very keyed up. No doubt he would say the same about me. The reason we were up so early is that we expected the hairdresser to arrive about 5:30 am. We gave each of the bridesmaids a session with the wedding hairdresser, Tammie Garza. This woman is very professional and with an assistant turned out hair dos for six bridesmaids and Sarah in under three hours.
Now, you understand why I made the kimonos. Everyone wore their kimonos during the 6:00 to 9:00 am getting ready time. Drake and I are floating around making sure everyone got yogurt, coffee, and the kolaches we brought from West, Texas while we tried to get ready ourselves. In a calculated move to settle me (and himself down), Drake read out loud to me the Texas Ranger baseball story of the previous night's game. I'm sure everyone thought that very bizarre, but it felt like normalcy to me. Suddenly, about 8:00 am, rain begins pouring down. Sarah is close to tears. Drake, checking the weather radar, rashly promises her that it will not be raining for her wedding. I'm sending up silent prayers since I know Sarah picked this venue for the unique processional it offered. Slowly, slowly, over the next hour the rain dribbles to a stop, but it remains ominously overcast.
Meanwhile, the "getting ready party" is a rousing success. Everyone is laughing, eating kolaches, and putting on make-up. The hairdressers are steadily working through the bridesmaids. Amy and Emily look lovely. I thought Shanleigh's hair was really gorgeous, but I was most impressed with Shailie's hair since her hair is long, thick and naturally curly. I really should have gotten money back for Anne. 
On to make-up. The make-up designer arrived to 'do' Sarah. She got 'airbrushed' with make up that would last all day and would be tear proof. (She and I inadvertently tested that property as I was getting her ready.) At the conclusion of the makeup session, here's the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. Ok, Ok, I'm a LITTLE prejudiced.
And here's they are: Sarah's bridesmaids - Shanleigh (Jay's sister), Amy (Best Woman), Shailie, Sarah, Emily, Anne and Lauren.
Next, Drake, Sarah and I leave for the Mansion on Judge's Hill, the venue of the wedding. The next hour was my favorite part of the day. It was a bittersweet drive. We all took our accustomed seats in the car, the places each of us have sat thousands of times - Drake driving, me riding shotgun, and Sarah in the back seat behind Drake. However, this time the family drive felt like both an ending and a beginning. This was the last time we would drive as a family of three. The next time Sarah would drive with us she would be Sarah Lynn Smith Wilson, and our family would be four, not three.
We took a hotel room at the Mansion for Sarah and the girls to put on their dresses, jewelry and shoes. Pastor Marilyn and her husband, John, stayed in the room the night before the wedding. They graciously vacated it the morning of the wedding, so we could use it for our final preparations. Drake left us at the room, and I helped Sarah put on her beautiful dress and get ready for one of the most important days of our lives. This was an intensely emotional time of joy for both Sarah and I. There were a few tears blotted by her great grandmother's handkerchief as we tried to express what we were feeling. This was a moment of connection between myself and Sarah Lynn; one of the best times in my life as Sarah's mother. Here is my angel baby ready for her wedding in her gorgeous dress wearing her "something old", the pearls, which was one of our wedding gifts to her. These are the ones Drake gave me for our 10th wedding anniversary, and they are now Sarah's.
Our next hour was both fun and nerve wracking. Sarah left to do her 'first look' with Jay. Drake and I toured the reception area, and then went to greet the groomsmen, Jay's parents and our early arriving friends.
Drake and I, Kit and Jeff (Jay's parents) are all so happy, and so ready for the event we have planned and worked on for six months. It's hard to believe at this point the day is actually happening. It's almost time, and there's a big problem...
The one thing we couldn't buy, couldn't schedule, couldn't control: the weather. It's been overcast all morning, and raining intermittently. The staff of the hotel are drying the guests' chairs as well as sweeping down the flagstone surface of the garden area. One of the staff is actually using a small towel and drying small puddles of water that are dotting the length of the processional portion of the flagstones. At 10:45 am it starts to spit rain. Guests are putting the lovely programs over their heads as rain drop catchers. The wedding planner looks at Drake, and says, "What shall we do?" Without hesitation, Drake says, "We're doing it." And, true to his prediction, as the wedding processional begins, it stops raining. Sarah Lynn sweeps down a wrought iron staircase, takes her Dad's arm, and processes up the aisle to the "Spring" music by Vivaldi. She is a vision, and he is beaming.
The wedding ceremony was beautiful Pastor Marilyn's service blessed the union. Jay and Sarah exchanged vows they had written which were the traditional sentiments expressed using modern words. For instance, they vowed to love one another through 'plenty' and 'want'. The rings entrusted to Jay's Best Man and best friend, Nick, were given and exchanged. Just as they are saying their vows, the sun comes out and illuminates them. The wedding service is going like clockwork.
However, as we all know, every wedding has a hitch. In one wedding we attended, a groomsman fainted. Sometimes bouquets are dropped. Toddler ring bearers and flower girls act up during the service. Our wedding hitch involved Kit and I. Jay and Sarah asked the two of us to light a unity candle symbolizing the new family we were creating as a result of their marriage. As we did the rehearsal run through, no one thought it was important we actually learn how to light those fire guns. These look like wands with triggers and fire shoots out of the end as you press the trigger. That's what is supposed to happen. Neither Kit nor I could get the stupid things to light. We tried, and then we tried again. I was dumbfounded. How could this be happening? All I could think of was, "Nobody smokes anymore, so nobody has a damn lighter." I thought I had covered ever contingency, but I missed this one. Fortunately, just as the guests were getting restless, Sam, one of the groomsmen, stepped up and produced a Bic lighter. Kit and I were as relieved as was everyone else. Whew! With a final blessing, Pastor Marilyn introduced the newly married couple to the guests.
Time for the party. Here's my final picture: Drake and his newly married daughter dancing at her wedding.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
An Actual Venus Shower & a Mars Shower that Might Have Been
Sarah Lynn's wedding shower was divine. It was ethereally beautiful on par with the best "Venus" showers. It all began Friday afternoon when the doorbell rang at our rented house. There stood a woman in a lovely sundress with chin length sleek, dark brown hair holding a fan shaped flower arrangement almost bigger than she was.
"Hi, I'm Emily. Are you, Jan? Where can I put this stuff? I've got dishes for twenty, silverware for twenty, three flower arrangements, a miniature bridesmaid bouquet, oh, and I brought my gold chargers for the plates, four choices of table cloths, the extra table, and twenty gold chairs. I hope you don't mind, but I brought my own personal wine, water and champagne glasses for you to use all weekend. Plus, if you think of ANYTHING else you need, just let me know. Oh, don't worry about washing up anything, just rinse it off, and I'll be here to pick it up whenever you say on Monday. It's so nice to finally meet you. WOW, what a great house." She swept by me smiling.
We were off and running. I kept thinking, "At one time in my life, I too had this kind of vivacity and energy. Is this young woman for real? She's just too good to be true." Well, let me tell you, she was not only for real, she was better than real. All during the wedding shower, Emily, the wife of Jay's best friend, and one of Sarah's bridesmaids anticipated every need and met it.
I knew via a long chain of emails that snaked through the months prior to the wedding weekend, Amy (AKA Best Woman, and she certainly is) was El Capitan of the Wedding Shower. First evidence of her command ability was her superior recruitment. The doorbell rang at our 'party house' at 8:50 am shower day morning. Joni, Amy's mother, appeared at the front door as she announced, "I'm here to help Amy, and oh, yes, Bryan (Amy's father) is bringing in the big coolers you're going to need for your other parties." With a brief hug, she headed for the kitchen rolling up her sleeves, and went to work. Amy was on her heels. Suddenly the kitchen was filled with slicing, dicing, rolling, and concocting. Finally emerging from the kitchen were multiple types of homemade pizzas, freshly made avocado corn salad, fresh fruit salad, as well as meat and cheese platters, puff pastry spinach thingies, and other yummies including Audrey's Famous Sugared Pecans. I was still sipping coffee.
Amy had assigned tasks to all the other bridesmaids, and as they arrived they morphed into a well-oiled team. Here's a picture tutorial of how to prepare for the ultimate wedding shower...on Venus:
"Hi, I'm Emily. Are you, Jan? Where can I put this stuff? I've got dishes for twenty, silverware for twenty, three flower arrangements, a miniature bridesmaid bouquet, oh, and I brought my gold chargers for the plates, four choices of table cloths, the extra table, and twenty gold chairs. I hope you don't mind, but I brought my own personal wine, water and champagne glasses for you to use all weekend. Plus, if you think of ANYTHING else you need, just let me know. Oh, don't worry about washing up anything, just rinse it off, and I'll be here to pick it up whenever you say on Monday. It's so nice to finally meet you. WOW, what a great house." She swept by me smiling.
We were off and running. I kept thinking, "At one time in my life, I too had this kind of vivacity and energy. Is this young woman for real? She's just too good to be true." Well, let me tell you, she was not only for real, she was better than real. All during the wedding shower, Emily, the wife of Jay's best friend, and one of Sarah's bridesmaids anticipated every need and met it.
I knew via a long chain of emails that snaked through the months prior to the wedding weekend, Amy (AKA Best Woman, and she certainly is) was El Capitan of the Wedding Shower. First evidence of her command ability was her superior recruitment. The doorbell rang at our 'party house' at 8:50 am shower day morning. Joni, Amy's mother, appeared at the front door as she announced, "I'm here to help Amy, and oh, yes, Bryan (Amy's father) is bringing in the big coolers you're going to need for your other parties." With a brief hug, she headed for the kitchen rolling up her sleeves, and went to work. Amy was on her heels. Suddenly the kitchen was filled with slicing, dicing, rolling, and concocting. Finally emerging from the kitchen were multiple types of homemade pizzas, freshly made avocado corn salad, fresh fruit salad, as well as meat and cheese platters, puff pastry spinach thingies, and other yummies including Audrey's Famous Sugared Pecans. I was still sipping coffee.
Amy had assigned tasks to all the other bridesmaids, and as they arrived they morphed into a well-oiled team. Here's a picture tutorial of how to prepare for the ultimate wedding shower...on Venus:
After everyone arrives and schmoozes, in a good Venus shower it's time for games: Meet the toilet paper brides:
EVERY Venus shower worth its salt has the ice breaker game, and "toilet paper bride" is an oldie (meaning we played it when my age group was getting married) but still a winner. The rules for the people reading this who live on Mars: Divide into teams, create a bridal gown using only toilet paper and dress one member of the team. The modern twist: The MOB (me) and the real Bride (Sarah) played the parts of Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum. We walked around to the groups as they adorned their brides and gave our analysis and advice vis a vi "Project Runway". This was most enjoyable as we strolled around saying, "Make it work!" "It's looking a little costumey." "Love the hand made flower detailing." "Who was responsible for the overall design?" Then we chose the victor. Here's the winner posing with the real Bride to Be
Pausing to eat some of the delicious food, visit with new friends, and concoct another drink, the ladies resettle and it's time for the main event - gift opening. As a bride, this is extremely exciting especially if you like being the center of attention. It's like a Christmas morning you don't have to share with anybody else. Traditional formation of this event is the 'big circle'. That's why Emily brought so many extra chairs.
One of the responsibilities of the family of the bride is to deliver unique and meaningful gifts. Sarah Lynn got hers in spades. Her new mother and sister-in-law, Shanleigh and Kit, gave her a Louis Vitton purse, her Grandmother gave her a cut glass crystal and silver salad set which she received at her wedding in 1948. The mother of the bride (me) gave her the 'something old' for her wedding day - the gift of my pearls I received from her Dad on my 10th wedding anniversary.
As a special gift from her family, she received a handmade quilt made with squares sewn by her deceased Grandma Jo.
Another great gift presented in honor of my friendship with MY college roommates was a beautiful peignoir set given by Patti (our remaining roommate) and her daughter Kara
As an invitee of a Venus shower, the expectation is to comment favorably on the gifts as they are opened one by one. Everyone ALWAYS agrees they have never seen such beautiful gifts. It's a real challenge to 'up the ante' of this tried and true formula. Our commander managed to do this. Amy, asked all the invitees to electronically send her their favorite recipes, pictures and 'stories'. She lovingly assembled all these contributions into an illustrated cookbook which she published. Sarah's shower instantly became legendary.
Meanwhile.....on Mars
Wedding showers are bit more casual on this planet. First, there are no pesky invitations, RSVPs, securing of venues, registries beyond the groom texting the Best Man the preferred line of tools the day before the shower. On the day of the event, the hosts don't bother with decorations. After all, what can you do to spruce up a garage? Chairs don't necessarily have to match, or even be chairs. Some events use the five gallon bucket to great effect. It's a chair, it's a beer cooler, it's a waste basket, and for the 'short this month' guest - a gift.
Generally speaking, refreshments usually consist of several bags of chips, slim jims, and beer. The keg is traditional, but younger hosts are now buying a variety of microbrews. The host that chooses the microbrew option is expected to ice down the beer prior to the event. Classy hosts clean their fishing/hunting coolers before adding the ice and beer.
There are no games played in a Mars wedding shower other than one upmanship in telling lies about women the attendees have known. In a high toned shower, the bride-to-be is never mentioned in the aforesaid anecdotes. Sometimes stories are told of the worst possible things that have happened in prior weddings. Men who have been married the longest relish telling horror stories about marriage.
Of course, there are no pictures from a Mars wedding shower. No one can imagine why he would want any. However, there are gifts. Gifts usually consist of anything that can be bought at AutoZone, Lowe's or Home Depot. The thoughtful guest texts the Best Man during the one stop shopping to see if there is a requested tool line. An extra battery pack for the requested tool line is considered a classic gift. During the gift opening, the father and father-in-law to be of the groom regale the group with gory stories featuring the tools being opened by the groom. "Opened" is a relative term - it actually means taking the gift out of the plastic bag it was put into at the store. Eco conscious guests are now requesting paper bags for their gifts.
The shower concludes when the last beer is drunk.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
A Difficult Pack
Packing week is always a bit frustrating, but this week has been a doozy. I don't think we've ever had to incorporate so many different venues and pack the trailer is such a crazy manner - staging everything in layers. The kick-off to this traveling season is the wedding.
The wedding. Lordy, Lordy. I'm back to wedding insomnia. I wake up at 4:15 in the morning with lists running through my head. I have to laugh because people keep saying, "Jan, you know it's not going to be perfect." Perfect? Hah. I'd be thrilled if we could just get the venue to deliver a timeline for the wedding day. It's going to be non-stop from Friday morning until Sunday night. My personal 'to do' list is five pages long and GROWING. Drake and I are hosting several events. My last word on the wedding is: If we three Type A's can't pull off this wedding, then nobody can.
We start this trip on a sad note - Tulsa. Frustration there too. My Dad is a lost soul; he doesn't recognize me - hasn't for three years, and now he's losing the ability to even respond to small talk. His body is still going strong. It's heartbreaking; it's guilt inducing; anger producing. Nobody should have to live the demented life. Now, we are on the eve of Sarah's wedding, and neither of my parents will be there. As a young child both my parents were enthralled with Sarah. I think they both felt like she was an unlooked for bonus. I guess when you wait 15 years to have a child like we did, that's understandable. It's going to be even harder to 'shake off' the Tulsa blues this time.
Next, comes Hurst. We have so many friends there. A legacy from my mother is my ability to connect with people. She was amazing. People flocked to her. As a child, I was somewhat jealous of all the people who seemed to need my mother so much. I do miss my HEB friends (that's Hurst, Euless, Bedford - the 3 towns between Dallas and Fort Worth), and never more than this year. I wish the wedding was going to be in Hurst at the church we attended for 20 years. Sarah, after eight years in Austin, wants her wedding in the town she feels is her Texas home, and I understand that. Our day and a half in Hurst includes haircuts (that God for Tere), dental appointments (the whole office is filled with friends there too), a trip to the Bedford Farmer's Market where I KNOW I can get vine ripened tomatoes for the special bridesmaid dinner, plus dropping the trailer and bikes. I'm trying to squeeze in a dutch treat dinner, so I can catch up with everyone.
Next comes Austin and the Wedding Marathon. I decided about six months ago the only way I was going to stave off being sad and depressed during the wedding events was to surround myself with my long time friends. They have all rallied around, and I know their help and support is going to be a major reason I'm going to be able to find the joy in this occasion. Sarah is marrying a wonderful man, and joining with a lovely family who has been gracious and accepting of Drake and I. I told Kit (Jay's mom) last year that making a new friend at our age was a real thrill. I've been working hard trying not to think too much about all the people who won't be at this milestone in our lives.
OK....when the wedding is over, it's time to go to Connecticut. Everybody knows that Drake and I are subleasing Sarah and Jay's New Haven apartment and keeping their humongous cat for the summer while they sublet an apartment in the East Village of NYC where they will both be working. Oh, baby, to be 28/27 years old and living in New York City with enough money to enjoy it. Now, THAT'S a honeymoon. Although, technically it's not. They don't have time to take their 'real honeymoon', so it's been postponed.
Connecticut is going to have its frustrations. Like the apartment is 546 square feet. Like the cat poops enough for three cats, and is prone to upchucking. The cat is also giant, and I'm sure the cat hair is going to be wafting through the entire apartment all summer long because, wait for it, the apartment has no air conditioning. That's a good thing and a bad thing. The bad part is obvious, but the silver lining: I'm not cooking in Connecticut. Yea! I can not tell you how deliriously happy this makes me. Plus, I figure I'll see every movie Hollywood can throw out there this summer. I also plan to avail myself of all the public library magazines in the air conditioned reading chairs. I'm going to enjoy living in a 375 year old town, yep, they are celebrating 375 - for the arithmetic challenged, that means New Haven has had inhabitants since 1638. There's going to be a lot of dead people; it's time for some cemetery tours.
First of September it's on to Virginia. I've been lobbying for this trip for two years. I love American history. (Oh, by the way, I haven't forgotten I owe you readers a tour of 19th century American women. Don't worry, I'll get around it it.) We are thinking about settling into Richmond for about 3 months. It's our first thought, so we may wind up somewhere else. Virginia history is all about the founding of the republic, and it was a major battleground of the Civil War. Going to be lots of places and lots of pictures, and the Smithsonian!!!!!!
To top off the travel portion of our year, I'm thinking beach..... We'll see. I just loved Seal Rock this past year. Oatmeal just tastes better when it comes with the ocean rolling into the beach. Lots of nice beaches in the East and the South. I've been thinking about my parents' old stomping ground: Gulf Shores. So far, it's just an idea.
Well, that's it. I feel better having voiced some of my frustration to my readers. This has been a difficult year in AZ. The allergies here are really getting to me. My first order of business next year is to hit the allergist and get tested for all these new pollens that seem to be laying me low. Finally, next stop in blogland will be my take on the big wedding.
The wedding. Lordy, Lordy. I'm back to wedding insomnia. I wake up at 4:15 in the morning with lists running through my head. I have to laugh because people keep saying, "Jan, you know it's not going to be perfect." Perfect? Hah. I'd be thrilled if we could just get the venue to deliver a timeline for the wedding day. It's going to be non-stop from Friday morning until Sunday night. My personal 'to do' list is five pages long and GROWING. Drake and I are hosting several events. My last word on the wedding is: If we three Type A's can't pull off this wedding, then nobody can.
We start this trip on a sad note - Tulsa. Frustration there too. My Dad is a lost soul; he doesn't recognize me - hasn't for three years, and now he's losing the ability to even respond to small talk. His body is still going strong. It's heartbreaking; it's guilt inducing; anger producing. Nobody should have to live the demented life. Now, we are on the eve of Sarah's wedding, and neither of my parents will be there. As a young child both my parents were enthralled with Sarah. I think they both felt like she was an unlooked for bonus. I guess when you wait 15 years to have a child like we did, that's understandable. It's going to be even harder to 'shake off' the Tulsa blues this time.
Next, comes Hurst. We have so many friends there. A legacy from my mother is my ability to connect with people. She was amazing. People flocked to her. As a child, I was somewhat jealous of all the people who seemed to need my mother so much. I do miss my HEB friends (that's Hurst, Euless, Bedford - the 3 towns between Dallas and Fort Worth), and never more than this year. I wish the wedding was going to be in Hurst at the church we attended for 20 years. Sarah, after eight years in Austin, wants her wedding in the town she feels is her Texas home, and I understand that. Our day and a half in Hurst includes haircuts (that God for Tere), dental appointments (the whole office is filled with friends there too), a trip to the Bedford Farmer's Market where I KNOW I can get vine ripened tomatoes for the special bridesmaid dinner, plus dropping the trailer and bikes. I'm trying to squeeze in a dutch treat dinner, so I can catch up with everyone.
Next comes Austin and the Wedding Marathon. I decided about six months ago the only way I was going to stave off being sad and depressed during the wedding events was to surround myself with my long time friends. They have all rallied around, and I know their help and support is going to be a major reason I'm going to be able to find the joy in this occasion. Sarah is marrying a wonderful man, and joining with a lovely family who has been gracious and accepting of Drake and I. I told Kit (Jay's mom) last year that making a new friend at our age was a real thrill. I've been working hard trying not to think too much about all the people who won't be at this milestone in our lives.
OK....when the wedding is over, it's time to go to Connecticut. Everybody knows that Drake and I are subleasing Sarah and Jay's New Haven apartment and keeping their humongous cat for the summer while they sublet an apartment in the East Village of NYC where they will both be working. Oh, baby, to be 28/27 years old and living in New York City with enough money to enjoy it. Now, THAT'S a honeymoon. Although, technically it's not. They don't have time to take their 'real honeymoon', so it's been postponed.
Connecticut is going to have its frustrations. Like the apartment is 546 square feet. Like the cat poops enough for three cats, and is prone to upchucking. The cat is also giant, and I'm sure the cat hair is going to be wafting through the entire apartment all summer long because, wait for it, the apartment has no air conditioning. That's a good thing and a bad thing. The bad part is obvious, but the silver lining: I'm not cooking in Connecticut. Yea! I can not tell you how deliriously happy this makes me. Plus, I figure I'll see every movie Hollywood can throw out there this summer. I also plan to avail myself of all the public library magazines in the air conditioned reading chairs. I'm going to enjoy living in a 375 year old town, yep, they are celebrating 375 - for the arithmetic challenged, that means New Haven has had inhabitants since 1638. There's going to be a lot of dead people; it's time for some cemetery tours.
First of September it's on to Virginia. I've been lobbying for this trip for two years. I love American history. (Oh, by the way, I haven't forgotten I owe you readers a tour of 19th century American women. Don't worry, I'll get around it it.) We are thinking about settling into Richmond for about 3 months. It's our first thought, so we may wind up somewhere else. Virginia history is all about the founding of the republic, and it was a major battleground of the Civil War. Going to be lots of places and lots of pictures, and the Smithsonian!!!!!!
To top off the travel portion of our year, I'm thinking beach..... We'll see. I just loved Seal Rock this past year. Oatmeal just tastes better when it comes with the ocean rolling into the beach. Lots of nice beaches in the East and the South. I've been thinking about my parents' old stomping ground: Gulf Shores. So far, it's just an idea.
Well, that's it. I feel better having voiced some of my frustration to my readers. This has been a difficult year in AZ. The allergies here are really getting to me. My first order of business next year is to hit the allergist and get tested for all these new pollens that seem to be laying me low. Finally, next stop in blogland will be my take on the big wedding.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
It's a One Way Trip
It's 78,000 and counting. That's the number of current applications from 120 countries to make the one way trip to colonize Mars. There are going to be four people chosen to become Martians for the rest of their lives. When Drake told me about this, it started me thinking about what kind of people choose to leave Earth forever and finish their lives on another planet.
My first thought was, "the same kind of people who got on Magellan's ship on August 10, 1519 to sail around a largely unknown world'. And how about the people who set sail for Jamestown in 1607? Then we have the first people to blaze the Oregon Trail in a wagon train west to the Pacific from Missouri in 1836. When the women and men climbed onto those wagons, it was clearly understood they were leaving their childhood homes, their parents, siblings and friends forever. Still they went. I think the people who are applying for the one way trip to Mars are cut from this cloth.
The Mars expedition shares a lot of commonality with earlier pioneers. Everybody participating knows this isn't going to be a pleasure cruise. Water will be so precious for the Mars colonists that none of them will be showering for the rest of their lives on Mars. There are also no guarantees. The track record of 'first' colonists is not exactly promising. Ever wonder where the people who settled first in Roanoke,Virginia went? Heaven would be my guess.
At to the Mars specifics. A company called Mars One has developed a mission to establish a human colony on Mars by the year 2035. (Hmm. I could be around to see this...maybe.) The first four colonists would land in 2023, followed by successive colonists in groups of four apparently about every two years. Oh, and there will be a 24/7/365 broadcast back to Earth of the entire enterprise. I wonder if anyone has really thought THAT through. Can you imagine? That broadcast could be a train wreck, or the most compelling soap opera ever. Remember the movie The Truman Show?
I am still trying to wrap my head around the type of person who leaves everything familiar - even breathable air, and heads to a different planet. Of the 78,000 so far, almost 18,000 are Americans, followed by about 10,000 Chinese, then Russians, British, Mexicans and Brazilians. The company feels they are 'on track' to get the 500,000 applicants they were hoping for. If you pull up the Mars One web site (http://applicants.mars-one.com/overview/most-viewed/) you can see that the applicant part of the website is being run in a social media formula. There are pics, favorites, ratings (using the star system), U-Tube videos by the applicants and number of applicant 'hits' are also being tracked. The company intends to 'broadcast' the selection process for the applicants.
In addition to the social media aspect, there is also merchandise to be bought, press releases to be read, philosophies to be studied, technology to be mastered, and donations to be contributed. I can't decide if this is the slickest con job ever, or if these are dreamers and daring adventurers. Time will tell. In the meantime, applications are being accepted through the end of August.
My first thought was, "the same kind of people who got on Magellan's ship on August 10, 1519 to sail around a largely unknown world'. And how about the people who set sail for Jamestown in 1607? Then we have the first people to blaze the Oregon Trail in a wagon train west to the Pacific from Missouri in 1836. When the women and men climbed onto those wagons, it was clearly understood they were leaving their childhood homes, their parents, siblings and friends forever. Still they went. I think the people who are applying for the one way trip to Mars are cut from this cloth.
The Mars expedition shares a lot of commonality with earlier pioneers. Everybody participating knows this isn't going to be a pleasure cruise. Water will be so precious for the Mars colonists that none of them will be showering for the rest of their lives on Mars. There are also no guarantees. The track record of 'first' colonists is not exactly promising. Ever wonder where the people who settled first in Roanoke,Virginia went? Heaven would be my guess.
At to the Mars specifics. A company called Mars One has developed a mission to establish a human colony on Mars by the year 2035. (Hmm. I could be around to see this...maybe.) The first four colonists would land in 2023, followed by successive colonists in groups of four apparently about every two years. Oh, and there will be a 24/7/365 broadcast back to Earth of the entire enterprise. I wonder if anyone has really thought THAT through. Can you imagine? That broadcast could be a train wreck, or the most compelling soap opera ever. Remember the movie The Truman Show?
I am still trying to wrap my head around the type of person who leaves everything familiar - even breathable air, and heads to a different planet. Of the 78,000 so far, almost 18,000 are Americans, followed by about 10,000 Chinese, then Russians, British, Mexicans and Brazilians. The company feels they are 'on track' to get the 500,000 applicants they were hoping for. If you pull up the Mars One web site (http://applicants.mars-one.com/overview/most-viewed/) you can see that the applicant part of the website is being run in a social media formula. There are pics, favorites, ratings (using the star system), U-Tube videos by the applicants and number of applicant 'hits' are also being tracked. The company intends to 'broadcast' the selection process for the applicants.
In addition to the social media aspect, there is also merchandise to be bought, press releases to be read, philosophies to be studied, technology to be mastered, and donations to be contributed. I can't decide if this is the slickest con job ever, or if these are dreamers and daring adventurers. Time will tell. In the meantime, applications are being accepted through the end of August.
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