Another year bites the dust. This is my 75th year. Hard to believe the earth has circled the sun 75 times, but, apparently, it has. I always start contemplating the New Year on Christmas day because Christ’s (supposed) birth on December 25th – arbitrary date which some scholars, but not all, associate with Saturnalia. This was a Roman festival which ran for 23 days celebrating the agricultural bounty of the harvest just concluded. It was also associated with the winter solstice. People celebrated with wreaths, candles, good food and gift giving. Sound familiar? Christmas has always had this secular connection culminating in our 21st century culture in “Santa”, or St. Nicolas, or Kris Kringle, or a myriad of other names Santa is known by around the world.
My point is I always start contemplating the new beginnings a New Year offers on Christmas Day. I’ve been looking up quotations concerning the New Year, and my favorite is Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote” "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year". The quote continues, "He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety". Isn’t that great? It’s a reminder that worry is unfaithful.
The first person who said
that to me was my friend, Frank Swenson. I was
fretting and stewing about EVERYTHING.
That was my mother’s specialty – think of everything that possibly could or
would go wrong, and get PREPARED.
At the emotional level, she was very unhappy most of the time because she was so stressed trying to control everything. However, she was ruthlessly organized and
always prepared. That mindset explains
why. One mantra I always use to help
keep myself focused on what I can truly control is: WORRY IS UNFAITHFUL.
I always commit at the beginning of every
year to find the bright side, silver lining, the ability to keep on no matter
what, and to only solve the problem in front of me. [I’m actually a little in love with
Emerson. I find his musings to be
insightful, concise, and even two centuries later, to be understandable and
relatable to 21st century life.]
January 5th is an important day in the life of my family. That day is part of my New Year's contemplations. January 5, 2025 would have been my brother’s 72nd birthday. I know my nephew will be thinking of him today. My best ‘Billy’ story happened before he used a single addictive substance: He was in middle school. As usual, he was large for his age, popular and could already tell spellbinding stories. At 13 he was already a piped piper. The story goes that he saw some bully beating up on some kid we would call a nerd today in the school hallway. Billy pushed the bully off the kid at which point the bully decided to challenge Billy to a fight after school.
Billy Sartor |
Wedding Day, January 5, 1946 |
Joan & William Sartor, January 5, 1946 |
On a happier note, January 5th is also my parents’ wedding anniversary. There was a huge storm with snow and ice the day of their wedding. It was a small affair to start with – mostly family with a few friends in the West Tulsa local Methodist church with the punch and cake reception in the basement. In 1946 there was no alcohol, a few presents, and life went on. Mother and Dad went to their newly rented garage apartment pulled on a sled! Mother was 20 and Dad was 22. They met when she was a sophomore in high school. They dated until Dad graduated in 1943. He immediately went to the Army-Air Corps. They decided not to marry because Mother was really too young, and Dad didn’t want to leave a widow behind and a possible child. He expected to be killed because in 1943 the war still hung in the balance Air-Corpsmen fighting from planes didn’t have an expectation of longevity. They wrote letters throughout the war. The day he returned to Tulsa, he appeared on Mother’s parents’ doorstep with a dozen red roses. [This would have been the equivalent of a couple of hundred dollars in today’s money and an extravagant gift.] I try to think of their feelings in that moment in time.
They loved each other for more than 60
years before she died. My father adored
her. He was the passive partner in the
relationship. Mother always led
everything. I know they had a very
active sex life. I learned that by
accident – my father in his dementia had zero filter after Mother passed. She would have been horrified.
He always gave her special cards especially for their anniversary. He would keep them in the glove box of his truck until the ‘day’. I realized Dad was deep into dementia when Mother began recycling her ‘cards’ – she kept them – because Dad could no longer function enough to buy a new one. There was rarely enough money for any type of gift on their anniversaries, but there was no doubt of their devotion. It was a living marriage with ups, downs, and sideways happenings; it was always real and very satisfying to both partners. Overall, it was an introduction to what a successful marriage actually looked like. What a gift,
This day of the birthday and anniversary being on the same day is the time each year I contemplate my family and growing up. I was very lucky to have such loving parents, but I was also a product of the double standards of the time period. It took me a long time to gain self confidence, and become grounded in who I was. I suspect that’s true of most of us.
Finally, have a Happy New Year because each day of each year can be a blessing and a new beginning.